Rob Skane: You Can’t Go Back – by Rob Skane.
Listen to me for once. Life is a spiraling force moving through the universe, unencumbered by modular time concepts. I know this because I’m smart. I even went to community college, but there was confusion about something called a grade point average? I don’t know … Nonetheless, our rocknroll universe always follows the Arrow of Time, which means we move from order to disorder. Think of it like this – a guitar string can break, but it can’t un-break, you dig? Maybe I’m getting a little Ram Dass over here, but when I say “Be Here Now,” I’m not referring to my least favorite Oasis LP.
God save the dream, we mean it man. Many of us wanted to be in a rocknroll band so badly that we let our boundaries, if we even knew what they were, be totally eroded. It happens, and there’s no shame there. Ricky Nelson let us know that it’s all right now, we learned our lesson well. He knew rocknroll bands are far from a Garden Party. We could have listened, but why would we? Experience is often the best teacher anyway. The School of Hard Knocks, the Boulevard of broken amps. If you know, you know. If you don’t, you’re about to find out.
I quote from the Book of Seger when I say, “I wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.” Unless you get in with the right group of people, people with the same vision, people who you can hang with, people who have your back – unless that happens, your hopes of making cool music are often doomed. It’s happened to a lot of us. We get mixed up with toxic bandmates who were never really in our corner, although they did attempt to portray that grand illusion. You put up with it because you’re hoping they’ll go back to being the cool breeze guy they were when the band started. It never happens because they stay toxic forever.
Haven’t we all played music with a few people that, over time, we’ve grown to despise? Sometimes we put up with so much – literally suffering for the music, for opportunity just to play – that when we’re finally done, we are done. The rocknroll troll pretending to be your pal secretly fries your amp, and you’re stuck at a gig with a blown speaker. Let’s check that one off the list, kids – been there. This one time (not at band camp), someone gave away my PA system without asking. Several months later, they justified it by telling me they knew I wouldn’t have minded. We all have those stories, and I’m sure that we’re all grateful that we’ve never engaged in that kind of behavior.
Being in a band can be like dating four people at once, the rock n roll version of ethical non-monogamy, I suppose. It’s safe to assume that there are times when you don’t share the bond with some people that you think you do. And that speaks more to their level of character than it does to yours. You were probably used as a tool so they could play gigs and get their rocks off. A lot of us just wanted to write songs and be in a band with people who were into the tunes. Sometimes we’re fools too long, and we have it figured out all wrong.
You might have gone back a time or two because you wanted to believe that people can change. I did too. Different people, different projects – always the same result: it got weird, and I split. It starts out with visions of sugar plums, but it never works in the long term. I’ve actually experienced it getting worse the second or third time around. Understand this: when people devalue you, it’s because they know they are the ones with no value. Yet, they always try to come back around, often smelling like smoke from the bridges they’ve burned. Banking on your ability to forgive and forget, all the while remembering how they carved you up when they thought you didn’t know – they’ll whisper sweet nothings into your one good ear, hoping to get back into your good graces.
Promise me, but more importantly, promise yourself that you won’t fall for it. When it happens – and it will – walk and don’t look back. Moving forward feels great, because … well, you know. Feed your head, write your songs, find your people, and rock on. You can do great things, my babies!! And you will. I assure you. Now, go … while you can.