…2..3..4 – An Xperience Column

“Apple Pies and Sweaty Guys”

By Chris Busone.

This month, we will commemorate 250 years of an idea; a dream of a nation of freedom, liberty, and inclusion for all those yearning to be free. Yes, on the 4th we will celebrate in grand style, complete with hot dogs, apple pie, and if we’re lucky, maybe even some sweaty guys in various stages of undress duking it out on the White House lawn. BOO-YA … that’s how we do it, people.

And we’ll celebrate these lofty ideals, even though that’s not really who we are at this moment in our history … the liberty, freedom, and inclusion part, I mean. The sweaty guys rolling around on the lawn part; we’re definitely that right now. All day long. 100%.

A true American and patriot once said, “A man may die, nations may rise and fall. But an idea lives on.” That man was John Fitzgerald Kennedy, the 35th President of these United States. And while he was certainly an imperfect man and by all accounts no slave to fidelity, he loved this country and all its people. And in the short time he was its leader, he did it proud and did all he could to live up to that idea of freedom, liberty, and inclusion. He literally gave his life for this country and that idea. 

Some will argue that it is one’s imperfections, as much as their strengths, that make them a great leader. But the current state of our national affairs makes it more than self-evident that being a serial philanderer alone does not a great president make. No, you also need character, compassion, intellect, and an unyielding desire to serve the people. All of the people. All of the time. Kennedy, for his part, had that.

The fact is, it is our intentions, our actions, our deeds by which we are measured and what unites us. And folks, we are anything but a group of united states right now. 

Red states hate those commie liberal blue states, and blue states think red states are simple-minded jerkweeds who are nostalgic for a world that never existed. 

I mean, when the hell was America so great that you want to make it that again … again? What time in our history was that?

I’m pretty sure the original occupants don’t long for the days when Custer and his henchmen bugle-charged them off their land and out of their homes with a “move or die” pick-em situation. “No worries, folks, it’s all good. A hundred years from now, we’re gonna hook you up with a bangin’ casino.” How about those kooky, fun-filled days up until late 1920, when women couldn’t even vote? That was pretty great, right? Or the ‘50s and ‘60s, when Black Americans had fire hoses turned on them for wanting to have a sandwich at a lunch counter or were spat on for trying to go to school? Who thinks that was great? Show of hands … anyone? Oh, and how great were those glorious ‘80s when “stop and frisk” and the Anti-Drug Abuse Act of 1988 led to a disproportionate number of Americans of color being arrested for infinitesimal amounts of weed or blow and being sentenced to decades behind bars. It all sounds really, really great again … again.

Look, I’ll be the first to admit I’m just a guitar player, but even I know this is f***ed up.

Here’s a taste of how un-united we are right now: Arkansas and Utah refused to celebrate Pride Month in June this year. They instead named it “Fidelity Month.” Not to be outdone (or out-moron-ed as the case may be), Tennessee, Alabama, and Indiana declared June “Nuclear Family Month”. Huh? That’s how we make America great again … again? By discounting a significant segment of its population and refusing to recognize them, simply because who they lay next to in bed makes you feel icky? Like it’s any of your goddamn business to begin with.

Well, it’s history lesson time, my hillbilly scholars. In 1999, the month of June was declared by then-President Bill Clinton as National Gay & Lesbian Pride Month. A presidential declaration, nationally recognized every year since. So all you numbnuts in Arkansas, Alabama, and the like, who love to wave around the Constitution with one hand to protect your 2nd Amendment rights, while waving your Confederate flags with the other, need to open your eyes and smarten the hell up. I mean, get in the boat and row, Homer, because a nation divided could very well fall, and you’re too stupid to live anywhere else. No one else will take you. 

But back to this idea that JFK spoke about. The “American Experiment,” as some like to call it. We cannot deny that it has some serious wrinkles in it that you would think we could have ironed out in 250 years … that’s two and a half centuries, people! And still, it’s this sh**? (BTW, if this is an “experiment,” then what the hell does that make all of us? And why can’t I find my way out of this maze … I smell cheese …) 

I guess my point is, while I’m always up for a party, I’m just not sure what we’re celebrating. I mean, July 4th falls on a Saturday this year, so it’s not even a day off work. And our current leadership has pretty much gutted the original intentions of the 1776 crowd.

But we’re gonna blow off a bunch of fireworks anyway, scare the crap out of my dog, and then all “ooooh” and “aaaah” as we listen to the news reports of how many DIY celebrators blew their fingers off this year. Aaaah, the counting of the missing fingers … it really is a majestic tradition. Right up there with the swallows returning to Capistrano or the folks who, every November, set their garages on fire trying to deep-fry a turkey.  

But I know you’re asking yourselves, my devoted reader, “Why is this guitar player not writing about the club scene or the calluses on his fingers this month and instead ranting about our sweet land of liberty?” I guess it’s that “idea” that John Kennedy spoke of that just got to me. 

I really do love this country. And anyone can revel in its triumphs, but you have to really love your country to point out its failings. The people who founded the place taught me that. If you’re just glossing over the shortcomings, hell, at this point, the outright misdeeds and illegalities, then I’m not sure you can call yourself a patriot. Patriots stand for something. Patriots speak out against tyrants. Patriots shout “NO!” when they see injustice.

As Little Steven declares again and again in his heroic anthem, “I Am a Patriot”, “And the river opens for the righteous!”  Preach, brother. 

So God bless America on her birthday. And God bless all the people in it. All of them. Not just the ones we look like, or talk like, or think like, or love like. All of them. All of us. We are all Americans, endowed with inalienable rights and righteousness. And yes, when that river flows for the righteous, it flows through us all, as does that idea of freedom, liberty, and inclusion. 

So take it easy on the fireworks this year ’cause you’re freakin’ out my dog. And if you blow off your middle finger, Homer, there goes half your vocabulary. 

And whatta ya say we all be thankful and celebrate what we have, but also strive to make this a better, stronger, more inclusive place for everyone … huh? So come on, let’s count off together to the old girl’s birthday (you guys who lost fingers to M80s last year can just stamp your feet), July 2…3…4th!