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Maybe Sent with Love – The Weird Side of the Internet

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Maybe Sent with Love

Maybe Sent with Love – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

Valentine’s Day is Friday. It is a chance for those in love to make known to each other the depths of their devotion. Sometimes these efforts are as grandiose as 24 carat gold diamond encrusted earrings, and as simple as a card and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. But there ae those who use the holiday to express their uniqueness and that uniqueness can be for love, or for love lost.

For love, there is the chocolate anus. This is exactly what it sounds like. You send out an impression of your back door, and they fashion a box of chocolates, the contour and texture of your “out-pipe.” I will not leave any information on how to get it for two reasons. One, hell no, and two, it’s too late to get them now anyway.

But if your love done gone cold, you have options. For one, the Bronx Zoo will allow you to name a Madagascar Hissing cockroach after your ex. I’m guessing the Zoo has an inside line on how many shitty exes are out there, or they’re going to have to build a literal roach motel to accommodate the influx. And I think that naming a basic roach after an ex might be more to the point. But the next one, I feel, is the full ‘ex’ experience. Welcome to the big leagues: elephant poo.

The Memphis Zoo will, for a $10 donation, will give you a video of an elephant taking a dump. Really this is just a donation to the zoo because you can probably get an elephant poo video on YouTube for free. Plus, you have to give it to your ex. It’s not like it anonymously shows up at their house on DVD. So it really says that you need to get over them. And I should mention that for the same sawbuck you can get a cute video of a red panda to give to your sweet one. Again, YouTube, but c’mon, support the zoos.

Remember: it’s the thought that counts.

 

 

More from Liam Sweeny…

Laura LaFrate – An Xperience Interview

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Laura LaFrate

Laura LaFrate – An Xperience Interview – by Liam Sweeny.

Laura LaFrate is a model, skydiver and all-around adventurer who so loves long walks with her pup that they’ll both be making tracks from coast to coast.

RRX: OK, so tell me a little bit about yourself. What do you do for a living, and what do you do for fun?

LL: OK. My name is Laura Lafrate, and I was a full-time model for about 15 years. I actually got into that by accident. After my first month of college, I realized that I just wasn’t focused enough to be in that kind of student setting. I talked to my grandfather, and he said, “If you can get out, get out now. School is always gonna be there, but you can only have certain experiences when you’re young with no responsibilities.” So I ended up getting into a pageant, forced by my mother. I ended up winning, and I signed a modeling contract. From there, I was able to travel to South Africa, Italy, Switzerland, France, and so forth and so on. When I came home, I was contacted by America’s Next Top Model to be on Season 18. I went on that, and I ended up getting 2nd place in the show.

It was a learning experience. I realized from the show that I love modeling, but I don’t like fame. It’s a very different thing in that a lot of people believe what they see on TV; they think it’s the real truth, and that’s who you are. After I got home, I got death threats. I got people showing up at my house. No privacy, no security, and I spent about the next year just sitting at home isolated because I couldn’t take it. I was a young kid. I had just turned 20. I didn’t have that much life experience under my belt.

One of my favorite movies ever was “Power Rangers,” the very first Power Rangers. And I remember Tommy, the White Ranger, jumping out of the airplane with his skyboard, and I always wanted to skydive. My mom ended up working with the skydiver. And he said, “Well, I’ll take her.” I went up for the weekend, and after my first jump, I just knew that this was what I wanted to do.

I ended up working during the day, sometimes nights or weekends or whatever, but any free chance I had, I would drive down to New Paltz and work on my license, and jump and jump and jump. And it just really opened me up to a whole different world and new people. It’s basically like Neverland. You know, kids that just never want to grow up, and people from all different backgrounds and ethnicities. It was just really beautiful that you could have such a group of people that come together for one thing, and just have the time of your life. That’s really what got me into it and what kept me with it.

RRX: So would you say that there is a skydiver culture in our area, or is it a broader adventure culture? And in either case, what of that culture is, like, greater than the sum of its parts?

LL: If you’re talking specifically about the Capital Region, there used to be a skydiving culture here. But the problem, like any business, is that there’s high risk. So, there used to be a drop zone very close to my parents’ house in Scotia, but because of the flood, it ruined the landing area. They were completely washed out. There is some stuff in Saratoga, but really New Paltz is the main hub in New York.

But the one thing is, is that if you’re a skydiver, you have family all over the world, in every state, in every country. I can drive; I’m going to go on this cross-country trip with my dog in a couple of months. And I know for a fact that any job I’m gonna go to, there’s gonna be someone that I know, or knows someone that I know, and it’s just a family that you’ll have for the rest of your life. And that’s something that I really related to as a kid, because I didn’t have that sense of community and family. So it’s just a really wonderful feeling to know that I can show up anywhere and I’m always gonna be welcome.

RRX: You recently got injured. Can you tell us a little bit about that and how your thirst for adventure aided in your recovery?

LL: For the first part, the reason that I got into the accident was 100% my fault. And I take full responsibility for that. I was living in Mexico for the last 12 years. I was in a tumultuous and abusive relationship, and I finally separated and I said, “I need to get back to my family, my skydiving family.” I did not take into consideration that I had not jumped there in a while. I was using a rig that was not mine. I didn’t do test jumps. Also, I was just so overwhelmed. I didn’t do the correct procedures like my forefathers of the sport taught me to do. You have to take every single jump like it’s your first time. And my ego took over, so I jumped the rig that wasn’t mine, a parachute that was too small that I shouldn’t have been using. I fell too fast, and I did not flare fully like I should have. And uh, yeah, help me real quick.

RRX: Well, what happened, the last part, what happened?

LL: It was a naked skydive. It was actually the tradition every year. And so I was doing it, and the ground where we used to jump (back in the day when I was jumping there) was all grass, but they had let it overgrow. So I was jumping into a very bumpy terrain. What I did was like on my old parachute, I used to half flare and then fully flare out as I’m sliding in. Because when you’re naked, the last thing you want is to have grass burns. I did not do the full form. I did not do the full function, and I ended up eating the ground. I bounced and I broke three vertebrae in my back.

RRX: So now that you’ve recovered, what are your plans vis-à-vis skydiving?

LL: What I’m gonna do is, this next season, I’m gonna get a big canopy, so I land very slowly, and I’m gonna go right back to square one, start from zero. So I’m gonna do that.

 

 

More from Liam Sweeny…

The Alec Lewis Group – An Xperience Interview

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The Alec Lewis Group

The Alec Lewis Group – An Xperience Interview – by Liam Sweeny.

RRX: What was the very first reaction to your music, from the first person to ever hear so much as a practice jam or the demo of your first song?

ALG: We are blessed enough to be affiliated with The Jive Hive, which is an incredible space and music haven for local artists and something you MUST look into if you aren’t familiar. Alec (guitar and vocals) and Noah (lead guitar) are a part of the Jive Hive team and thus are in the good graces of Tom O’Connor, the owner. Tom is an incredibly generous benefactor to the local music scene and unabashedly opens his doors to any one he can. So, we have been able to use the Jive Hive as our rehearsal space since our beginning. Thus, Tom in his comings and goings was the first person to hear our developing rehearsals week after week. It is hard to remember a single first reaction, as he is typically around for most of our rehearsals, but from the start he expressed big excitement, despite our clumsier beginnings. He always brings a critical, yet encouraging ear. We are close enough to know he doesn’t BS. He knows how to critique but make you feel good about it.

RRX: We have to play somewhere, and sometimes those places have more going for them than a stage and a power outlet. What is a memorable place you played, and bonus points if it’s not a well-known place.

ALG: I am a (live) sound engineer at heart and that means that I pay critical attention to how an audience will experience the music. The size and vibe of the venue will determine things like what drum kit our drummer uses, what amps myself and Noah use, what our PA for that gig will be, etc. I am meticulously careful in assuring we offer an accessible and enjoyable show for every space. And while we are a high energy funk band, I LOVE playing small rooms. So this is even more important. I don’t want anybody to leave the room because the snare drum is deafening, or the bass is overwhelming, or an amp is blaring right at their face. I want people to be able to talk and enjoy themselves in the likelihood they are not there specifically to see the band (and honestly, this makes you more likeable to strangers!!) So, all this to say, we have had a handful of REALLY great shows at this spot in Troy called 518 Craft. It’s truly an incredible hang. It’s tight and cozy and intimate and feels like a coffee shop that sells alcohol. Our last show there right before Christmas was the best crowd we’d ever played to and the most positive energy any of us had felt on stage. There’s something magical about packing a small bar when your sound is balanced and right for the room, people are just going to have a good time and they can’t help it.

RRX: With the exception of singing, everyone has an instrument, an inanimate object that has the distinction of being a lifelong friend. Smooth or temperamental, these objects have a character. So pick someone to answer, can you tell us something special about what you play, your technique, your instrument?

ALG: Anyone who knows me (Alec) or is a musician who follows our band knows that the only answer to this question is the Stratocaster. I am admittedly a Fender man. But Fender or not, there is no guitar I wanna pick up other than a stratocaster. And obviously, I REALLY love mine. A stratocaster is a crucial element to our sonic character. To the point where I “strongly discourage” / “will not allow” Noah (lead guitar) to play anything other than a stratocaster. And my enthusiasm has even rubbed off on him to the point where he recently sprung for a new Strat and has stopped asking to play his Tele all together. From sonics to the aesthetic symmetry I am married to the “two strat funk band.” This harkens back to practically all of my favorite guitar players being notoriously Strat players (Cory Wong, Mark Knopfler, John Mayer). And for all my strat enthusiasts out there, we heavily favor 4th and 5th positions.

RRX: We do this for the fans. For the blisters also, but mostly for the fans. Who’s one your best fans? Without necessarily giving their name, what are they like?

ALG: We have more than a few very loyal fans. Musicians and friends from the scene, as well as family. However, as I believe most musicians will tell you, there is nothing more heartwarming and rewarding than your first “total stranger fan.” We played a show in June 2024 at The Lark Tavern in Albany and had a great set. A week later we played a show at No Fun in Troy and were approached by a couple (let’s say their names are Zak and Sara) who said they stumbled into Lark Tavern randomly the previous week and ended up staying for our whole show, loved it so much that they came out to No Fun only days later. They were over the moon with encouraging and thoughtful words about our playing, songwriting and overall vibe. They’ve attended more than a few shows since then. Zak even came to a show on his own accord when his wife was out of town. He said “Don’t tell Sara I was here, she’ll be pissed Isaw you guys without her.” So while we live off our friends and family’s support and love, there is a special significance to absolute strangers seeing you and wanting more.

RRX: I know when pitching it helps to tell someone it’s “this meets that.” So let’s try that with you. If you had to give me two bands that meet each other in your sound, what are those bands? More than two bands?

ALG: Our influences are fairly specific. And I frequently reference these influences as a sort of north star for our band while writing new material. I find that this helps maintain a consistency across our music and gives our repertoire a succinct and identifiable blueprint. I have three main inspirations musically for this band: Cory Wong and the Vulfpeck universe, Dire Straits, and Steely Dan (likely in that order). I believe our music certainly is an extension of these artists. We have high energy funk grooves inspired by Cory Wong, Vulpeck and The Fearless Flyers. We have mid tempo, minor key bluesy tunes that I aim to remind people of Mark Knopfler with his kind of finger picking style. And I think the Steely Dan influence is not so direct in our music, sonically, but I don’t think people are surprised by the fact that Steely Dan is one of my favorite bands.

RRX: Let’s talk about your next project, your next few. Just not the ones you’re working on now. The ones you have your eyes on for the future. What’s coming to us?

ALG: We are a relatively new band, having played our very first show in February 2024. And we are releasing our first studio project very soon on 2/7/2025. It will be a four song EP titled Don’t Cross Me. Being a sound engineer myself, I take recording very seriously. I have music under my own name as a “solo artist,” this will be the first official release of The Alec Lewis Group as a band and separate project. And rightfully so this was a big group effort. Drums recorded at The Jive Hive and built up from there at my home studio. Myself and Noah worked throughout the summer and fall of this year honing in the guitar and bass parts. It is a guitar record. It is tight. It is punchy and catchy. It’s sarcastic and quirky. It’s fun and I think you’ll agree, so please give us listen come 2/7 and search for The Alec Lewis Group wherever you stream your music.

Links!

Hive Vibes, Vol. 1 – Live Concert Film

BandCamp – Live Album(s)

https://thealeclewisgroup.bandcamp.com/

Instagram: @thealeclewisgroup

 

 

More from Liam Sweeny…

UMIKO Kotori – An Xperience Interview

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UMIKO Kotori

UMIKO Kotori – An Xperience Interview – by Rob Smittix.

Photo Credit: Narimantas Šerkšnys

RRX: So how do I pronounce your name?

UK: My name is Elena, my stage name is UMIKO Kotori.

RRX: OK, so you’re using a stage name for your music.

UK: Yeah. I’m known by the stage name and also as a composer here because I managed to do different projects with theater and sound design. I work for commercials and animation. In Lithuania, we have a small scene, now it’s bigger. With this thought about the scene. I feel like I’m getting old, you know? I’m like an old person, oh these times are better. We have a lot of new people coming in with new ideas after the Soviet Union blockade. We didn’t have much for 30 or 40 years, we couldn’t go anywhere. I remember times as a kid, my grandparents and my parents were fighting for freedom all the time. Now I have a kid, she’s 11 and she is living a totally different life than we were.

RRX: That’s good.

UK: Yeah, I really feel the difference, you know? Technologically and otherwise. There’s a lot of good players and the culture of music.

RRX: I often wonder, because we have listeners now in all seven continents.

UK: Yeah, that’s amazing.

RRX: It’s been six continents forever, but Liam (Sweeny) who you were introduced to … he interviewed someone from McMurdo Station in Antarctica, so now they’re listening down there. Now I feel complete!

UK: I really like penguins and polar bears. That place is like, wow, how do people live there?

RRX: (Laughs) It’s like this phenomenon; we got all these people listening from all over the world but how do you find us? I don’t even know how you found us, but it seems like the right people are finding us.

UK: I was thinking … I don’t have much to lose, I want to search out independent music reviewers and just hit them up with my message. I was researching bit by bit, not like hundreds of stations got my emails and now I’m just gonna wait for results. No, I’m trying one step at a time and see what’s happening, and I really like to connect with people. I’m not a machine that can shoot up with action all the time. So, for me, it was this move. I found it on the internet, I was researching. Even with ChatGPT; I was asking, “Can you tell me good independent alternative radio stations?” It gave me three and I think yours was the first one! I sent one to America, one to Japan, and one to Australia.

RRX: That’s so cool and we are really digging your music.

UK: Great! Because I sent you an album that I really worked hard for. It was “Sorry to Be You,” that grunge album with the second part of electronic beats and a bit of rap, or something like that. But I was really excited about that album. I was writing it through a big Marshall 24 lamp 8 speaker body bass amp and I even recorded guitars through it. It’s really huge. I call it the refrigerator.

RRX: Wow.

UK: I was having a lot of fun actually doing this album, and I didn’t get to play it a lot, you know? I was very happy that it caught attention from your radio station.

RRX: We’re very much into it. You told me that you do a lot of different kinds of styles. I think that’s cool too. I’m a songwriter too, and when I listen to a song that I’ve written, I like to listen to it as if I’m someone else hearing it for the first time – what would they feel or think?

UK: The process has some sadness, also. When you release a song, it’s like you’ve lost something. It’s like you come to the studio and you feel empty. When you put it out, it’s kind of beautiful. With bands, I got a bit stuck in this kind of confusion because, yeah, the shows are great, but you get bored by the idea. You play it a lot, if you have a program for a year or two from one album’s setlist. You know that album by heart so much that you may want to vomit from that. You know?

RRX: You get sick of it. Someone might be hearing it for the first time but you don’t want to even play it anymore.

UK: I was thinking how to avoid this because I was jealous about the experience for myself. I want the show to be fresh to me so that I can have this inspiration from what I’m doing. If I’m playing the same thing, I get tired really quickly, and I don’t see a point in that.

RRX: Yeah, I can relate to that. I know like the final product is really like your thing and making the music but where do you want to go with this? Do you have an endgame? Are you trying to accomplish anything or just make music?

UK: I’m eager to see where it goes. I want to smoke with Snoop Dogg in the end! Just sit, smoke with him, and talk about … I don’t know, it could be about the air!

RRX: That would make you feel accomplished right there. I hope it happens for you.

UK: Thank you. I don’t know what my relatives would think about me after that, but the point is maybe the vibe in the end. What can I accomplish from this? Sometimes, I think about … what are the things I am envious of in the world? When I see the envy, I see something there that I can strive for, and maybe I’ll reach that goal. When I see people in a beautiful house somewhere, with pools and stuff … I’m like, man, well… great for you. But when I see a lady’s feet in the beach sand and the waves in all those photos from vacations where the ladies photograph their feet. I’m like … uhhhhhhh, I hate you for nothing.

(Both laugh)

UK: Maybe my goal is standing on the beach for as long as I can and then maybe go to eat. I don’t know. I think for me it’s like a panda goal. To be a perfect panda in your life with no stress. That’s why maybe I want to go and smoke with Snoop Dogg in the end. Because it’s like a manifestation – I have no stress!

RRX: That’s right. As you mentioned, you’ve done tours. Well, if things take off, obviously you gotta come over here to the States (as everyone calls it when you don’t live here). That’d be kind of cool, right?

UK: That would be cool because when I’m touring I’m a fun person to meet. You have to be brave to go alone, but if you have good humor by your side, you can meet a lot of great friends in the end. I was traveling and touring in Germany, Portugal, and around here … so I met really great people in the end by accident. I really love those trips; the shows were great, everything was great. I know what I’m doing on the stage, I’m not questioning myself there. I’m having fun, but the trips …they give me something that I would like to write a book about. Some meetups are really special, and they lead you through life later on. It’s really interesting, it’s part of touring for me. I really would like to tour in America … because I’m a big fan of America’s stand-up comedy, and I really appreciate a lot of things that you guys brought into this world, music-wise also.

RRX: Absolutely. Well, it’s been a pleasure and we’ll be in touch.

UK: I hope we’ll meet each other in life someday.

 

 

More from Rob Smittix…

Drum Power! An Interview with Shawn Duncan of L.A. Guns, Odin, DC 4 and Social Disorder

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Drum Power! An interview with Shawn
Duncan of L.A. Guns, Odin, DC 4 and Social Disorder
By Justin Smulison

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE CHANNEL HERE!

One of the most enduring drummers from the U.S. is Shawn Duncan, a West Coast player
whose career began in the early 1980s behind the kit of Odin. Since then, his music career has
steadily by co-founding the megarock quartet DC4 with his brothers Jeff Duncan (vocalist &
guitarist, also of Armored Saint) and bassist Matt Duncan and former Dio guitarist Rowan
Robertson, and stints with BulletBoys and Killer Bee.

Lately, his impact on the drums is resonating on a global level by joining L.A. Guns as their
touring drummer and as the kitmaster for Social Disorder, a hard rockband created by Swedish
guitarist Anders La Rönnblom that features an international collective of rock musicians,
including Tracii Guns (L.A. Guns), David Stone (Rainbow), and Rudy Sarzo (Whitesnake, Ozzy
Osbourne).

Social Disorder released their sophomore album, Time To Rise to widespread acclaim via Pride
& Joy Music and was nominated for Studio Album of the Year by Rocknytt Priset in Sweden. And
L.A. Guns will be releasing their new album, Leopard Skin, on April 4 via Cleopatra Records.
In this interview Duncan talks about what it’s like to juggle all these drum responsibilities
and what the future holds.

Social Disorder
Time To Rise – album
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/OfficialSocialDisorderSweden
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/socialdisordersweden
X: https://www.twitter.com/disordersweden
DC 4
https://www.facebook.com/DC4HardRock/
L.A. Guns

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L.A. Guns on Tour 2025
03/10/25 – 03/15/25
Miami, FL
Monsters of Rock 2025
04/22/25
Warrendale, PA
Jergel’s Rhythm Grille
04/23/25
North Tonawanda, NY
Riviera Theatre
04/25/25
Derry, NH
Tupelo Music Hall
04/26/25
New Bedford, MA
The Vault Music Hall
04/27/25
Millersville, PA
Phantom Power
04/29/25
Annapolis, MD
Rams Head On Stage
04/30/25
Ardmore, PA
Ardmore Music Hall
05/01/25
Leesburg, VA
Tally Ho Theater
05/02/25
Hopewell, VA
Beacon Theatre
05/04/25

Virginia Beach, VA
Elevation 27
05/06/25
Atlanta, GA
City Winery Atlanta
05/09/25
Fort Myers, FL
Buddha LIVE
05/10/25
Dania Beach, FL
The Casino’s Stage 954 @ Dania Beach Entertainment Center
05/11/25
Mount Dora, FL
Mount Dora Music Hall
05/13/25
Largo, FL
Central Park Performing Arts Center
05/15/25
Jefferson, LA
Southport Hall
05/16/25
Cedar Park, TX
Haute Spot
05/17/25
Dallas, TX
Granada Theater
05/18/25
Houston, TX
Warehouse Live Midtown
05/23/25
Omaha, NE
Barnato
05/24/25
Denver, CO
The Oriental Theater

07/26/25
Beaver Dam, KY
Rock The Dam 2025

Music at Noon FREE Tuesday! – Troy Savings Bank Music Hall

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Music At Noon

Music AT Noon FREE Tuesday!

Free to attend!

For more information

Call: (518) 273-0038       Visit: www.troymusichall.org

TROY, NEW YORK:     The Troy Savings Bank Music Hall is excited to announce that the popular lunchtime series Music at Noon returns TUESDAY with Thomas Piercy, Marina Iwao and Daniel Hass. Since 1988, on the second Tuesday of each month from October to May, the free Music at Noon concert series has presented exceptional musicians with a diverse mix of musical styles.  Shows are free to attend and be sure to bring your lunch!  Grab a complimentary cup of joe before the show in our upper lobby! Full Music at Noon series lineup listed below!

February 11th – Thomas Piercy, Marina Iwao and Daniel Hass

Caffe Lena – Week at a Glance – 2/10 – 2/16

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Caffe Lena
Greetings – If you need a break from all the . . . #!%# this week, come on over to Caffe Lena and take a seat at any one of the shows we’ve lined up for you. Enter a world where people are making music, listening, giving their best effort, and creating beauty. Every one one of these concerts is at the “Wow!” level.

I also strongly encourage you to pick up a pen or an instrument and create something of your own. Keep it under lock and key if that’s what you need to do. Or come share it with a jam circle, or songwriting club, or on the open mic stage. We’d love to hear what you made!

See you at the show,
Sarah

For Your Own Good – An Xperience Column

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For Your Own Good

For Your Own Good – An Xperience Column – by Rob Skane.

Sometimes music just blows your mind, right? It’s hard to describe the feeling that overwhelms you when it happens – but I know you know, you know?

Example number one: the J. Geils Band. Holy smokes, they were an incredible live band. The first concert in a hockey arena that I ever attended was J. Geils at the Syracuse War Memorial. Yeah, Syracuse … in February. 11 feet of snow on the ground, most likely. Lake effect, you dig? Anyway, kids – check out the “Full House” LP. That particular record is a jaw-dropping collection of rocknroll, rocknsoul, the blooze and, to some degree, revved up country (“Hard Drivin’ Man”). They did that record in 1972. Half a goddamn century ago.

And, to my ears, that record has stood the test of time. They were blazing during the two nights in Detroit when they recorded that one. And, here’s the thing – hands down, bar none and without question, Magic Dick on the Licking Stick stole the show on that LP with “Whammer Jammer,” the Juke Joint Jimmy tune. Magic Dick was the Harmonica Hendrix, and the magnificent rawness of his performance is the standard that all mere mortal harp players could only dream of achieving. Listen to it. But, then listen….to… it… You’ll thank me next time you see me and we’ll hug and it might get weird – but, so what? It’s all about the music, right?

Next up, the Lyres. I LOVED this band beyond words. The “On Fyre” record melted my brain. It’s ok – there’s pills for that these days. Anyway … back to this record. It’s Farfisa, barely-in-tune and perfectly played rocknroll electric guitar, bass, and drums.  Danny McCormack starred on tremolo guitar on this one – everything he played was exactly what each tune called for. I think, anyway. I mean, if you disagree, write your own friggin’ column …

Jeff “Monoman” Conolly kinda was the Lyres to a large degree, and I think everyone I know has been in this band but me. This record was underground Boston garage rock at its absolute finest – if you knew, you knew. Monoman played organ and sang the tunes. The Lyres do a stunning version of “Tired Of Waiting” on this record, too. But “Don’t Give It Up Now” and “Help You Ann” will just explode out of your speakers with ragin’ full-on exposed-nerve garageland hearts full of strychnine.

 

 

More from Rob Skane…

World’s Oldest Anus – The Weird Side of the Internet

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World’s Oldest Anus – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

Comb jellies. Basically jellyfish that have some numbers in and about the Florida region. They are fascinating creatures, mainly because they’re some of the oldest living species out there – 700 million years old, may 800 million. But one of the things that make them of special interest to scientists, is that they are known to have a ‘gut through,’ as in a tube that goes through them, an in-door for food and an out-door for waste. What is this in layman’s speak? Simple. They have the world’s oldest a**hole.

Before comb jellies, most creature let out through the in-door. Their mouths were their poopers; their poopers were their mouths. This was fiercely inefficient and wildly unhygienic. It was a stunt to evolution. But the comb jellies had what it took to make a duke they didn’t need to brush their teeth after.

It is difficult to say whether we inherited our back-end architecture from comb jellies or whether we independently evolved ours. It does seem like have a conveyor belt system would be in the best interest of evolution, and would be an inevitable development, but here’s a fun fact: the human embryo develops from the a**hole out, so we are all born an a**hole. Another fact is that the comb jellies bioluminesce, or glow, when their water is disturbed, and the reason I bring that up is because, coincidently, humans bioluminesce too. We just can’t see ourselves glow because it’s too week for our eyes to see.

So can you imagine being somewhere in Florida, hanging out with the world’s oldest a**holes, glowing and you have to sit in the boat and ponder what sort of life would find you in such a predicament.  And to wonder about the fact that it was by the invention of the bunghole that we were able to climb from the primordial soup and begin the long and arduous journey to getting on a social media comments section and coming full circle. Imagine.

 

 

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Ric Orlando – Xperience History

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Ric Orlando

Ric Orlando – Xperience History – by Liam Sweeny.

Originally published in September of 2021.

Food is beyond fuel. If it weren’t, we wouldn’t need eighty percent of what’s in our supermarkets. It is our comfort, our passion, and our obsession, for good or bad. And the people who provide us this food, should we not simply cook at home, are largely unseen and unsung.

Ric Orlando is a chef and restauranteur. He and his wife Liz co-owned the highly prized and successful New World Home Cooking Company in Woodstock/Saugerties since the early nineties, and from 2009-2020, the New World Bistro Bar in Albany. The Chronograph Mag named him 2021 Best Hudson Valley Chef, and we second that.

We sat down with Ric to discuss the flavor of life.

RRX: The culinary arts share a lot with other art forms, but in one regard, there’s more of a trust needed. People can feel a little vulnerable when they’re expanding their palates. How do you work with more exotic fare, when people are in new territory and don’t know what to expect? Is there more pressure on exotic dishes?

RO: Well yeah, there is. I had a pretty successful career in getting people to eat things that they don’t normally think they would like. I know that delicious is delicious, and getting people to try new things takes a couple of particular skills. One of them is menu writing, and how you write your menu. A lot of contemporary menus don’t use a lot of words. They basically list all the ingredients in the dish, but that can be intimidating, so I, being a lyricist and a songwriter, and a poet, I’ve always used crafty witticisms and metaphors and analogies to give people an idea of what something like, say, a borage root tastes like. I think it’s important to use words that give people a little comfort and curiosity, and not just a list of ingredients. It’s interesting working with cooks. Once they become exposed to a certain ingredient, I used borage before, it could be sea urchin, and it could be whatever… they get accustomed to it, used to it – they see it every day. But the average American diner doesn’t have the same culinary vocabulary as a chef, so I always found it was my duty to give people a comfort zone by using descriptions to paint a picture of what they’re going to be tasting.

RRX: To be a chef is to wield a great creative power. But, since everybody has to eat, it can be a power most easily taken for granted. Perhaps not at your level, but how many people think of the person cooking their food at a chain restaurant somewhere? How can the average eater best appreciate their meals beyond just tipping, wherever they eat?

RO: There’s two really great ways to appreciate your meal. One is by thanking the kitchen specifically, maybe even sending a tip to the kitchen. You know, kitchen workers are not allowed to take part in the tipping process by law, but they have so much to do with the customer’s experience. To throw a five-dollar bill to the cooks goes a long way. And secondly is word of mouth. There are online reviews, people like to use their power to be negative, but to use your power to be positive, it makes everybody feel good. Don’t be fooled; all restaurants read their online reviews and share them with their team. So when we would get great online reviews, the kitchen would always hear about it, and it always made them feel like they had a sense of accomplishment. That being drastically wrong, we approached the kitchen with it also as an illustration of what we can do better. And then, of course, on the last level of online reviews, some are just idiotic, and we didn’t always bother sharing them with people, because why hurt morale over somebody who didn’t get the table they wanted, or there was a fly on their glass, and that has nothing to do with what the kitchen is producing, so we didn’t bother bringing the kitchen down with something like that.

RRX: One thing that you see in popular culture is the people that goes to a fancy restaurant and sit down to a plate that looks like a painting, and all the food can fit on their finger. Is there a reason that meals in “upper-star” restaurants have such portions? Is it artistic, or is it economic, or practical?

RO: I’ve always circled around with that, because I always like to give a substantial meal. I think there are a couple of facets to your question. One, is, if you’re in a higher-end restaurant and there are a lot of interesting dishes on the menu, many people eat multiple courses, you know, they don’t just eat a big meal, like a big fish fry, or something; they want to try three or four things. If you’re putting full-sized portions, it’s hard to foray into the menu on a deeper level. Also, money is a factor, because, there is; let’s compare a fast food restaurant that’s using frozen low-end pre-made products versus a kitchen that is all-in with craft and with ingredient selection. When you’re shopping for local ingredients or organic ingredients or unique ingredients, they’re all very expensive. You can’t afford to give sixteen ounces of Elk, for instance, to somebody for twelve ninety-five like a chain restaurant can sell a sixteen-ounce ‘B’ grade steak fot twelve ninety-five. So it has a lot to do with the quality of ingredients as well.

RRX: The spice rack in my house is messy and disorganized, but that’s who I am. I have my favorites, like an Instant Karma spice I picked up at a small local shop, and a jar of black Italian truffle salt (okay, not a spice) that I swear by. You have you own Flavor Maker Spices. Please tell me what I’m about to add to my spice rack.

RO: There are six; the whole thing is being rebranded as Ric Orlando’s Best, which is kind of a West Indian thing, they say ‘Oh, Joe’s Best.’ Flavor Makers Spices are the dry rubs, so until you’ve tried my jerk, or my kesh, which is my Moroccan seasoning, or my dough, you know, you don’t know what you’re missing. They’re all really, really balanced and delicious, and all of my seasonings were created for my restaurants before I decided to launch them a retail, so I tell people that if they miss my food, buy my spices. One of the things I did as a chef was to make sure, especially with having two restaurants, fifty miles apart, was to make sure that every dish was consistent, because consistency is one of the most important things. One of the reasons to go back to a restaurant is to have what you had before, or have something of the same quality you had before. I standardized all of that. Every recipe in my kitchen, the menus were standardized. So those spices are all of my classic flavors.

RRX: I never thought much of cooking until I read “Kitchen Confidential.” Anthony Bourdain was someone that he made me think of how universal, and imperative, good cooking is to life. It’s beyond epicurean exploration. It’s a communication that is as old as we are. What type of cooking brings you closest to the root of that communication?

RO: You know, there are many types of cooking, right? There’s home cooking, there’s family cooking, there’s party cooking, and then there’s individual-specific plating. I think the food that brings me closest to that is when I’m cooking for small groups of people. Cooking for, like I do private dinners, eight or ten people. So I’ve got a little captive audience that allows me to do what I’d like to do. That really hits my sweet spot.

RRX: You have a song with Andy Chernoff of The Dictators, called “Born Hungry.” It’s grooving, very down home rock ‘n’ roll, a lot of fun. Very food-centered, of course? How did it happen? And is this the peak of the mountain for you and music, or you still looking to climb?

RO: I started in my teens playing music and working in restaurants to support my playing music because obviously, you can’t make enough money playing music, especially independent underground music. And when I was maybe sixteen years-old, I heard The Dictators for the first time. It was so refreshing in an era of bands like Kansas and REO Speedwagon and Styx to hear guys wearing blue jeans and sneakers singing about getting drunk at McDonald’s and chasing girls and things that we did as teenagers, so I related to The Dictators. Fast forward twenty years and I had my restaurant in Saugerties and Handsome Dick Manitoba, who was the singer for The Dictators started coming into my restaurant on a kind of regular basis. I think he might have had a place in the Saugerties area. He was actually on the Jimmy Fallon show and mentioned my restaurant, because Jimmy Fallon is also from Saugerties.

Because of Handsome Dick, I met Andy Chernoff, who was the masterminds, the brains, the founder, songwriter, producer of The Dictators. And my realtor friend had sold him a house right outside of Woodstock, heading out towards Phoenicia. So I met Andy, great. He loved the restaurant, started coming in pretty regularly. About six months later, I decided I wanted to start a fun little throwaway band called ‘Ric the Chef.’ We did old, underground garage covers, and a handful of my originals. And Andy played bass; I played guitar, and two other members. And for about a year, we played around Albany a little bit… it was fun. We weren’t going anywhere, more just like guys getting together, playing music they grew up with, and we had fun. So Andy and I were good friends. He came over with my wife, and his wife, Carla, great friends, she’s a great photographer.

COVID hit, Andy called me, said, “You want to sing a song?” I said “What song?” He told me he was digging through his lost recordings, right, so he had recorded the rhythm tracks to ‘Born Hungry’ I think he said down in Memphis or Nashville, maybe seven or eight years ago. And he sent me the rhythm tracks, and the lyrics, “Give them a crack,” he said, “I think you’d be perfect for them. You’re the chef. It’s Born Hungry,” and he laughed. So I looked at it, started tweaking the lyrics a little bit, made it kind of fit better, my personality, banged out a rough demo, he loved it. A little later in COVID, we went into a studio where we were socially distanced and sang it. He got some great musicians to play harmonica, piano, guitar, and everything was done remotely. We recorded the song. Great. It’s one song, called Born Hungry.

About three weeks ago, he said “Hey, what are you doing Friday? I’m going to make a video, and his friend Jeffry, French guy, great videographer, came up from New York, and I knocked out a bunch of fun, foodie places, Catskill Mountain Pizza, Top Taste Jamaican, Pippy Hot Dog Truck, Engs Chinese, just fun different places. We shot the video, and now, it’s doing great. It actually just got picked up by Outlaw Country on Sirius – Andy and I both laughed because we never thought we’d ever be on a country station. And it’s getting reviews, and it’s doing quite well. As far as my music career goes, right now, we did the one. We ended up naming the band the Huckleberries, I don’t know why, but we did. Sirius said we needed a name. Our plans are, as we go forward, to try to do one or two songs a year. Just for fun, and just for amusement, and also, as a way to repurpose music he and I had recorded over our careers. We’re going to keep a food theme for all the songs. Meanwhile, Andy is doing some new stuff with The Dictators, so for the next few months, he’s pretty tied up. So maybe the end of this year, beginning of the next.

 

 

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