Calvin Coolbro’ – The Weird Side of the Internet
Written by Staff on October 23, 2024
Calvin Coolbro’ – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.
I’m really into time capsules. The idea of them anyway. I have to say it’s a little self-serving. I figure I’m not going to hit the Bestseller’s list anytime soon, so if I can get a flash drive of all my work into a time capsule, maybe get a shot of greatness in a hundred years. I actually found these discs, M-discs, which last for a thousand years. So I’m going to be wicked famous in 3024, so long as I can find a place to put it where it won’t be disturbed for a thousand years.
Which is the rub, and a great thought exercise. But the World War I Museum and Memorial had a space, and they just opened their time capsule after a hundred years.
They had some useful stuff, like the Constitution and a Bible, a Declaration of War for World War I (we could probably just cut an paste when we make World War 3 official. It also has a letter from U.S. President Calvin Coolidge. Who might as well be Fu-Man Chu for all anybody knows. Can you imagine people at the opening pretending to be excited about Calvin Coolidge. Best thing about the guy is that he didn’t talk, nicknamed “Silent Cal.” Oh, it’s Calvin Coolidge, that’s so dope.
The Constitution and the Bible should come in handy, as the originals were depleted in the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020.
In my time capsule, I want dirty movies, seeds for top weed strains, a cellphone, a couple of cigarettes. People will enjoy opening mine. Now all I gotta do is find a spot that isn’t going to become a strip mall. Maybe I’ll throw it in the river. At some point they’ll have to dredge it for bodies or something and they’ll get my mixtape.
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