The Heights – An Xperience Column

The Heights – An Xperience Column – by Joe Barna.

Greetings and salutations, all you Xperience Monthly loyalists. We love and appreciate every last one of you. Thank you for your time and support of our exciting and cutting-edge paper. We could not do this without you.

Now, let’s get into something personal…

One year ago this month, I made the VERY difficult decision to step away from performing full time. I had spent 26 years pursuing a life in the performing arts, but found myself exhausted, as well as creatively burned out. So, I made a promise to myself that I would take a year to collect my thoughts, focus on my role as a single father, practice my instrument independently of the stage, get my overall well-being together, try a new career, and once again start participating in things that have always afforded me joy, such as playing basketball and studying the evolution of jazz.

Well, a year has passed … it has been a period of growth, to say the least. I’m happier than I’ve been in quite some time, in better shape mentally, spiritually, physically, and have a renewed thirst for life. If you have an interest, I’d be delighted to share what I have learned from this experience and how it might aid in shaping an inspired and revitalized future.

Care to join me?

After nearly 30 years of club dates, weddings, cruise ships, concerts, recording, touring, booking events, hiring musicians, promoting, composing, rehearsing, woodshedding, collaborating, and a lot of highway miles, I had come to a crossroads. Do I continue the cycle? Do I take a step back to digest the years of grinding it out? Do I completely start over? It’s not as easy a choice as one might think. However, from my perspective, I feel everyone who reaches this destination where they are exhausted, not feeling creatively energized, and begins to question their journey could deeply benefit from a major shift away from their normal routines. It allows for the opportunity to see life through a clear lens. It is quite difficult to view things for what or where they might actually stand when we are consumed by that which we too often define ourselves, our career.

So, what did I come to realize through this redirection?

The number one lesson I will take away is that I am NOT what I do. What I do is simply an extension of the totality of all that I am. To define oneself by a singular quality is limiting and lacks the potential for true self-actualization. For example, if one were to practice an instrument 10 hours a day, coming to a point where they qualify themselves as the greatest on that instrument who is currently living, could they also proclaim to call themselves a musician? I say absolutely NOT. Being independently accomplished at a craft does not automatically justify one’s qualification as being a musician. To be a “musician” takes years of practice, performing, collaborating, studying, listening, disappointment, success, and humility. How is this different from becoming a fully realized human being? It is NOT any different. One cannot label themself a fully realized human simply because they exist. It takes time, patience, experiences, love, relationships, loss, trials, confrontation, resolutions, and much more to reach a point of full self-realization. The path is long and turbulent. No one person arrives at this destination because they claim themself to have arrived. The allowance for one to arrive at this destination rests in the hands of a higher power, and the journey that has been set forth for them to partake in … Happy travels.

The second lesson I took away was that more than any other distinction I may possess in this lifetime is that I love being a DAD more than anything else. Having more time to be with my child, watching her grow into the incredible person she is becoming, seeing her smile, picking her up when she is down, creating memories that only she and I will retain in our minds, making meals together, discovering a new restaurant together, going for walks, watching movies, crying together, laughing together, playing music together, and just being together has been the greatest honor ever to have been bestowed upon my life. There is no gig, no night at a bar, no other person in this lifetime that could inspire me, uplift me, or teach me life’s secrets like that of my little angel. If ever I was forced to define my life as one singular identity, it would be a quick decision: FATHER.

Moving on to part 3 of what I learned …

I LOVE MUSIC. Not performing, not the applause, not the compensation, not the road, not the studio, not the late nights, not the recognition, and definitely NOT NOT NOT the awards shows … I love the MUSIC.

What does this really mean?

It may mean a variety of things to many people. However, for me, the year off afforded me the rare chance to go back to a time when “music” was everything. Just discovering a new artist, a new song, a new chord, or listening to something I’ve heard a million times has been AMAZING. Having the time to look in from the outside once again without the pressure of having to play, book a performance, write new music, come up with the funds to subsidize yet another concert or deal with the personalities of those in the field that would like nothing more than to see you fail has been rejuvenating. To just be an observer once again has been nothing short of a miracle that has facilitated the opportunity for me to go back in time to a place where it was just about the music. You can’t put a price on that lesson. It’s a lesson that one must have the courage and foresight to obtain. Again, it isn’t easy to walk away from a nearly 30-year investment in one’s career and not have any semblance of apprehension. You have to know it’s the right thing and be ok with the possibility that you may never go back to where you left. However, for me, it was a risk worth taking. The results are heavenly.

Number 4 on the Billboard charts of things to learn from stepping away …

Music is no different than any other career path. If you desire to be great at something you will need to put in thousands of hours busting your ass and dealing with disappointment. You will also need to develop a thick skin, because there will exist those who will attempt to stunt your growth. Most of these people will possibly demonstrate a lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, a jealous nature, no work ethic, a lack of real dedication, no patience, little perseverance, or quite possibly all of the above. Screw them, they have no place in your lives. Leave these cats behind to marinate in their own self-pity and loneliness. They simply do not matter and will only try to pull you back down to their level.

Also, achieving greatness looks different to just about everyone. A person could want to be a great parent, musician, educator, farmer, nurse, salesperson, or otherwise. It isn’t about money, glamour, or fame. It’s about reaching the peak of one’s own image of the mountain they have perceived for themselves. The one common denominator is that all will achieve their greatness in the same way. Consistency, loyalty, self-preservation, dedication to goals, and developing relationships with those who genuinely wish to see them rise above the mediocrity life sometimes wishes to shackle our spirits with. And, no other individual shall be granted the power to define what our success must look like. That is our decision alone to consider. Frank Sinatra sang it best … ”I did it MY WAY.” Simply said, if you do not do things your way, then you are living someone else’s life.

The final lesson I will leave you with is this …

Our lives exist merely as a collection of experiences. These experiences are what shape our perceptions, help to aid us in making tough decisions, comfort us in times of need, help to compose the songs we write, guide us into future relationships, educate us on how to avoid that which may present danger, mold our individual personalities, write the stories we will tell our children, teach us what things we like as well as do not enjoy, and deliver us to the destination that was crafted specifically for us to bear witness to. Every individual has a unique journey to embark on that has been sculpted for them alone. Along the way, we face obstacles that must be met with difficult choices, inevitably determining the outcome of our futures. I was met with such a choice on July 1st, 2024. I made my decision, and I am thrilled with the results. Had I chosen differently and not mustered the courage to take such a risk, I would have never learned the lessons I have or spent the time with my daughter that was allowed. Was it hard? Yes. But, as the saying goes … ”That’s Life.”

Don’t be scared to make the hard decisions. Whether it’s ending a relationship, starting a new one, leaving a job, beginning a new one, moving to a new place, going back to an old one … it doesn’t change who you are. It all just brings you closer to who you’re going to be.

Thanks for taking the time to read this article. It means the world to me.

Warmest Regards,

Joe

More from Joe Barna…