Bear Jack City – The Weird Side of the Internet

Bear Jack City – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

I’ve had a weird thought, and I’m sure it’s unpopular, but I think that, so long as nobody gets hurt, and restitutions are made, the originality of the crime should be a factor in the sentencing. Like the judge should be allowed to knock a few months off if the crime was entertaining. And you know if I’m talking about it here, it was entertaining.

A bear broke into a Rolls Royce Ghost and ransacked it. It was caught on tape, as were two similar ransackings of Mercedeses (Mercedeses? Does that sound right?) Anyway, so three bear attacks on luxury cars, three ransackings, and three insurance claims, worth a combined $140,000.

Of course, they didn’t believe this sh*t for a second. They watched the video, and called California Fish and Wildlife, and apparently, bears make much more of a mess that the meat claws you can find in the kitchen of a restaurant. Also bears usually aren’t dexterous enough to slither in the back seat from the front seat.

Also, brown bears haven’t been in California in a century.

A guy in a bear suit. Yup, just a guy in a bear suit, ransacking luxury cars for the insurance claims. They basically said they had never heard anyone do anything like this before. Of course they haven’t.

That should be a whole division of crimes. In Montana and Tennessee, bears were falsely accused for killing folks. But it seems like just about every crime could be better done by the criminal being in a bear costume. It’s so wild, you’d probably get away with it. When Gotti had Paul Castellano killed, he had all the shooters wear babushkas, because that’s all people would remember.

Same principle.

Would you buy your drugs by a bear in the back alleys of Peoria? If you saw a bear walking down the street in a mink fur trench coat and a diamond tipped cane, would you have his money?

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