Chewbacca on the Phone

Written by on September 13, 2023

You come to us for a break from the hard stuff, the never-ending DEFCON 5 that the news media wants you to live your life at. We get it; they need ratings, and nothing leads like that which bleeds.

But once in a while we have to report on the real news for our own ratings, and that news today is Chewbacca. Or rather, Taylor Paige from Sydney, Australia, who has been receiving an endless slew of phone calls at all hours of the day and night by strangers giving their best Chewbacca impressions.

Is she judging a contest? Sadly, no. Is it just that weird in Sydney, Australia? Who knows? Maybe people in Sydney know. Did someone put posters everywhere with Paige’s number and a call to win $100 for the best Chewbacca impression? Ding ding ding.

Well, she’s pissed. She’s claiming harassment and she’s got a good claim if she only knew who did it. But don’t they have to all leave their names to cash in? Can you even get in trouble for calling a number on a poster? Is it the same as dialing up a good time in bathroom stalls, as in who the f**k does that?

And Paige hates Star Wars, Man, that must be torture for her. Why she hasn’t changed her number is beyond me.

Oh, but it’s even odder and odder. Another woman, “Jessica” had it happen to her. She found out it was her ex putting up the posters. She isn’t even pissed. She lets people do their Chewie (she hasn’t, to my knowledge, given anybody $100 yet.)

Too oddly specific for these not to be the work of the same prankster.

When reached for comment, the real Chewbacca said that he has not yet called anyone to attempt to rig the game. He stays out of the Resistance these days, got kids and all.

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