Plastic Vanilla – Not a Tom Cruise Sequel

Plastic Vanilla.

A scientist has created a synthetic vanilla from plastic. I for one will not use it to make my French toast. But that’s mostly because I haven’t finished my bottle of vanilla extract, and waste not, want not. Once I’m tapped, sign me up for plastic vanilla. Smokers, or former smokers, look kinda silly saying they won’t eat it because it’s synthetic. There’s radioactive shit in cigs. So if they don’t sell it for an arm and a leg, count me in.

So maybe some background here. The scientist is actually not a scientist at all, but a UK designer, Eleonora Ortolani. Frustrated with the fact that plastics are everywhere and a bitch to recycle, she drew inspiration from a fun little worm that eats plastic. I mean, if a worm can eat plastics and break them down, they can be edible, right? So she got to work, found herself a scientist, who then found an enzyme that could make your Tupperware a puddle of sludge, just elements that used to be plastic.

And what do you know? Stuff is chemically identical to vanillan, or synthetic vanilla, or the thing in 99.95% of everybody’s Vanilla Extract bottles (real vanilla extract is pricey)

So you take an enzyme and turn plastic into edible chemicals. Imagine throwing soda bottles in a stewing pot with carrots, onions and celery? Can they find enzymes that make plastics into something tasting like ground beef? Dollar store nachos will never be the same. Would littering be considered agriculture in this case?

They say no one’s tasted it yet because it has to be safe for consumption. I’ll risk it. Gotta be better than lead paint. Hell, I’ll sign a waiver.

Jokes aside, there’s a lot of good here. But some plastic vanilla ice cream finds in my belly a good companion.

More from Liam Sweeny.