Favorite Internet Doctor

Written by on November 19, 2023

Favorite Internet Doctor – by Liam Sweeny.

The world of the weird is also sometimes the world of the sad, let’s not kid ourselves. The guy that goes around skywriting penises in the air is probably motivated by the loss of his true love, right? But then you have the penises, which are funny,

I’m not sure that this story is funny except for you dark SOBs, but here goes.

Picture it. Botosani, Romania, 2023. A man who shall remain nameless for all that is good and holy was not feeling so hot, with pains in his colon. He was prompted to seek out help, and when he got the news back that he had colon cancer, he took himself to the outhouse and sliced his hand off with an angle gringer. I’m not sure what an angle grinder is, but it seems extreme for taking your hand off. I figure they have M-80s in Romania.

You might think the doctor was sad to hear the news, but the doctor, in this case, was Google. He had just looked up his symptoms and decided tha he had colon cancer. And because of that, he decided to off himself.

I am in no way making fun of this guy, except in his choice of amputating instrument. I have done it, and you have done it. Got aches? Got the sniffles, a rash on your tuchus? Go to WebMD or a million other pages. Go to WebMD and a million other pages. If you want the bubonic plague, you can get it over the internet.

So, of course, I have questions. Okay, this guy managed, via the internet, to diagnose himself as having colon cancer. And his only recourse was to kill himself. Is Romanian healthcare that bad? You figure no matter how much he doesn’t like doctors, if he’s willing to go to the great beyond over it, what’s the harm in going to a doctor to confirm? Even if the wait list is a couple of months, what are you in a hurry for? You’re planning on dying, so why not just squeeze in an appointment.

Funny part is that when they brought him to the hospital for his hand, they did test for what the guy thought he had. So I guess he did go after the doctor after all.


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