Windham Trash Diamonds

Written by on December 3, 2023

Windham Trash Diamonds – by Liam Sweeny.

Windham, New Hampshire is a place for lovers. At least it’s the place for the accoutrements of lovers. When a woman threw her ring in the trash, (of course, not on purpose,) it should’ve been lost forever. But a frantic call to Windham General Services sent as army into the transfer station at the landfill, and after digging through 20 tons of trash, sanitation workers produced said ring. I can only image the woman’s relief, and astonishment, that they found it.

What I can’t imagine that they would do it in the first place. General Services Director Dennis Senibaldi is made of better stuff than most of us, clearly.

To give you a perspective, 20 tons is how much your junk mail weighs if you let it build up for three days in your mailbox. That’s two full throttle value meals at your nearest fast food joint. That’s forty thousand ounces of prevention, and the weight of my heart when I see the end of Old Yeller.

The craziest thing is not that they dug through twelve feet of trash to find her ring, but that it wasn’t the first time they’d done such a thing. It was the third time they’d done it in two years. Windham is the place just for lovers, but for forgetful, clutz lovers.

They probably has a Lost Wedding Ring plan and they do drills and exercises by now.

I’m not married. But if I was, I know I’d lose my ring in a second if it wasn’t so tight on there, my finger would start growing around it. But damn, twenty tons. That is absolute dedication. Windham General Services Director are champs.

Windham GS needs a freaking medal for this. Or at least a certificate in a fancy matte. Or at least a solid pizza party. I’m sure they got drunk after this.


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