Forklift Certified in the Streets of Ann Arbor

Forklift Certified in the Streets of Ann Arbor – by Liam Sweeny.

Of all the memes out there, the ones I love are the ‘forklift certified’ memes. Haven’t seen them? Where on earth have you been? If you’ve been down a well, the forklift certified memes confer unto the forklift certified unending cred and some say super-human stamina in the boudoir. One of the best strains of memes going, in my book.

But a 12 year-old boy in Ann Arbor, Michigan decided to get forklift certified the au naturale way – by stealing one to take to the practice range.

To be fair, the truck was equipped with a forklift, in addition to being 35,000 pounds. It is unlikely he could’ve gotten certified in the way that counts. But that was no concern to police, who engaged in a low-speed pursuit, about 15-20 miles per hour. You think a 35,000 pound vehicle is going to lead police on a high-speed pursuit?

Kid did manage to hit ten cars, failed to lift a single one, but he did manage to ‘lower the hooks,’ as police called out, caught on the video. Because of course there was a video. I wonder if it was dash cam, probably dash-cam. If I were the Ann Arbor police, I would pin that video to the top of my social media.

Did this hardened pre-teen hooligan smash a window to get in? Nope. Someone left the keys in the cab. Who the hell does that anymore? Who, I’m really asking, who? It’s Ann Arbor, a city. I just leave my doors unlocked in a much smaller city and I get my snow brush jacked. And it was in front of a middle school. A forklift in this day and age of memes, is the definition of an attractive nuisance.

I hope the kid can get legitimately forklift certified in juvenile detention.

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