Cold Noses and Electoral Bliss

Cold Noses and Electoral Bliss – by Liam Sweeny.

There is a contentious 2024 mayoral race in Anchorage, the largest city in Alaska, and it is sure to draw some unusual questions of our system of government, and of election law.

At issue here is a write-in campaign. While these campaigns are usually a long shot, the candidate in question is well loved and has many outstanding qualities, one of which is a very shiny coat.

Meiko is a candidate for mayor. He is also an Alaskan Malamute. And make no mistake, he is a good boy.

Does he have a chance? Maybe. In fact, it wouldn’t be the first time an animal was elected to hold public office. An unincorporated town near San Francisco elected a dog named Bosco, and he held his office from 1980 to 1993. Thirteen years of exceptional service. Lajitas, another unincorporated town, has had a goat for a mayor since 1984. That’s four goats. And the media remains silent about this political dynasty.

Can Meiko win? Absolutely. If a majority of Anchoragors (Anchoragians?) write his name in there and spell it right. That dog will win. But what would a Meiko administration look like?

First off, there would probably be some corruption. But instead of fat cat corruption, it would be anybody corruption. If you have a treat, you get that rezoning you’re looking for. And sure as, well, you know what, leash laws would cease to be enforced. It’s hard to say what Meiko’s policy will be on sniffing butts, but I’m guessing it would be very ‘pro.’

Politically, it couldn’t be better. Meiko only has one word – “woof” which makes him a public speaker that is guaranteed not to offend anyone. And his colorblindness wouldn’t see red or blue.

I think the citizens of Anchorage deserve a mayor that’s not above a good ole’ fashioned lovin’.

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