Policing the Poo

Written by on February 2, 2024

Policing the Poo – by Liam Sweeny.

I had a wild story for you today, a damn near medical miracle, but… it was an adult topic. And I don’t know if I can trust you all to be adults, so you get this story instead, which is really close to as good as the previous, un-run story (now you want to know what the un-run story is, don’t ya?)

So we fly our magic carpets (or United Airlines) to Bolzano City, an Italian province near Australia. You can buy aged wine, fresh tomatoes, and all manner of other fresh things, including dog poo – which is abundant and free, so that’s kind of beside the point.

Yeah, they got a poo problem. And residents aren’t happy, except the scofflaws who leave the house without a plastic baggie. And with the prospect of having to set up a stakeout to catch offenders – an odious proposition, they have come up with a unique way to curb the problem.

DNA testing.

Yes, they are creating a DNA databank of all of the dogs in Bolzano City province, and as the dogs poo where thou shall not poo, the government officials can take a sample, grab the DNA, match it against a local canine, and fine the owner. They have pretty close to 40,000 dogs in the DNA bank already.

The program runs off fines, which can range from $42 t0 $400 (converted from Euros, of course.)

I’m just picturing Maury Povich taking a vacation in Bolzano City, coming out of a room with a slip of paper with like two people and their dogs and pointing to one of them and saying “You are NOT the pooper.”

So I figure they’re going to do that here eventually. Grab the DNA at the breeder or the pound. So I’m torn. Not a big fan of massive collection of stuff like that, but we’re talking about dogs. What do you think? Too far? Not far enough?

Something on your shoe?



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