Naked Under the Kilt – The Weird Side of the Internet

Naked Under the Kilt – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

I really wish for more of this story, but as they say, be careful what you wish for. We’re talking about Spring, Texas, home of the Wily Coyotes (I don’t know, they’re probably the Wily Something-or-others – Texans love their football.) And a man, nay, a man in a kilt was shopping. This isn’t much more than an average Monday for some towns, maybe Spring is one of them. So a man in a kilt is shopping. Or is he? Maybe he’s shoplifting. But he has no pockets same for the one the Good Lord made him betwixt the cheeks. So that’s where his ill-gotton booty went. Right up the shoot.

Now yeah, I know, the old “keistering” move they do to get little white baggies into jail. But we have a twist here. For our kilted scofflaw was not only sending treasure up the outdoor, but also back out, where the now soiled item went back on the shelves.

I don’t really know what malfunction causes a person to shove antiques (Oh, it was an antique strore) up his rump and then put them back for some unsuspecting shopper to get doo-polish on their debit card hand.

His name was Mitchell Vest, and he was arrested on charges of criminal mischioef. But maybe they should’ve thrown a health code charge in there. I think putting merchandise up your ass and then putting it back should be its own charge, a whole new section of the penel code, maybe … the Anal Code, which consists of everything you can’t stick in your orifice when attempting to be a weirdo. Pretty much everything should be on this list.

His booty? Or rather, what was in his booty? A makeup brush, an antique bottle opener and a “tobacco tent can.” Total cost before being roughed up; $200. And Vest was freed on $100 bond.

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