Be Careful What You Wish For… – The Weird Side of the Internet

Be Careful What You Wish For… – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

A Monkey’s paw. That’s where you make a wish, and the “monkey’s paw” grants it, but there’s a cost, usually far worse than the value of the wish. Encapsulated in the phrase, “be careful what you wish for.” Here’s a classic monkey’s paw that I saw on a black-and-white Alfred Hitchcock-type show (if you recognize it, put the show in the comments.) A wife wished, on something, that her sick husband would become immortal. What she didn’t know what that he had died and was already embalmed by the time she made the wish. So he comes to life, embalmed, can die, can’t move.

Yeah, exactly. Got that one stuck in my head forever.

So sometimes, monkey paws are real. Take the case of a 40 year-old Italian man. He wanted to enlarge his penis. And they did. But he should’ve been careful what he wished for, because he wound up impotent, with erectile dysfunction. And now he’s suing the doctors.

He paid five grand for the surgery, Lipofilling, which is taking fat from different parts of your body and stuffing it you know where. Like liposuction in reverse. Or first-gear neutral; I’m a little cloudy on the proper analogy. But they stuffed it like a five-layer burrito. And they botched it. And they spent twelve additional procedures to try to fix it. And I believe he should win the lawsuit, but I have to wonder if he was aiming not to pee on his belt, or was he aiming for porn. Somehow I think it would be a much better story if he was aiming for double-digits.

But if John Wayne Bobbitt can do porn, then I have some hopes here. And please remember to think before you wish; the monkey’s paw does not give back. Not the way you want it to. Wisher beware.

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