What’s Worse than a Bear? – The Weird Side of the Internet

What’s Worse than a Bear? – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

The whole viral topic of bears, and how they may be better than men (yes, I’m paraphrasing) makes me wonder, in general, how bears stack up to men. Not “woman in the woods alone,” but generally. Are we men keeping up with the sensibilities and decorum of our omnivorous now rivals?

Maybe. I don’t think I’m less likely to instinctively maul a bunny, but I might slide into a DM I have no business being in once in a while. So that’s a big old tie. But in Caldwell, Ohio, there’s a man who has put men back more than a bit, and we might need a twelve-stroke handicap to catch up, just from this guy.

Jack A. Blakeslee. Criminal defense attorney. He had a pre-trial hearing for his defendant, a capital murder case. And apparently it wasn’t going well. So he got pissed. And then, here we go, he took a shit in a Pringles can and drove to a Victim’s Advocacy Center and launched it at the building.

Now unlike bears, men who do shit like that might, might (depending on who their daddy is,) face consequences. And his daddy wasn’t anything, so he got suspended from practicing law in Ohio for a year and six months.

Launching human shit at a Victim’s Advocacy Center? Okay, so I heard from a bear before I wrote this, and I’d quote him directly, but it’s all roars and shit. To paraphrase: “That ain’t our thing, bro. We just maul people. Who the hell flings scat at a Victim’s Advocacy Center? Oh by the way… got any honey?”

I’m sort of making light here, because nothing is sacred for very long and all great notions inevitably follow the entropic pathway into memes. And I think we’re all seeing bear memes at this point. And I’m not sure if this is the best example of terrible men, or just terrible humanity, because I also know that a woman beat up a man with a squirrel one time.

But men, if you’re heated by the very mention of a bear right now, pull out the tongue, lace ‘em up and do better. All I’m saying is that the bar is super low here.

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