Nature’s Fury – The Weird Side of the Internet

Nature’s Fury – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

Cops get called for all kinds of things. I’ve always wondered when they get a call for a squirrel caught in a tree, are they annoyed to be bothered by such an inane thing, or maybe deep-down relieved that the call wasn’t about that same squirrel, foaming at the mouth, biting children.

But it must absolutely suck to be a cop in South Carolina right now. Why, you say? It is that time of the… years? Thirteen? Seventeen? I’m talking about the cicadas.. Trillions of them. And they are loud, loud as a jet plane. And I can totally empathize with people getting their ears pierced with the sounds of the biggest emtomological horde ever to bear down upon the sweet South. So I get that they call the cops. But really, what are the cops going to do? Set up cones a thousand feet up in the air and direct traffic? Do departments in South Carolina get issued flamethrowers? Moreover, are flamethrowers things that people in South Carolina have lying around in their sheds?

That’s gotta be maddening though, right? Jet engine sound, day in, day out? That is a surefire method to spark a little madness. So maybe calling the cops about it is what you do when you might be the one who needs to be taken out of circulation. The psych wards have to be full down there by now. And do methheads down there still see ants on their skin when they’re tweaking, or do you they now see cicadas?

You know, there are good sides, at least one. Some genius has figured out how to extract what little gross ass, bitter meat is in one of those things and barbeque it. And I don’t know if that could be the secret ingredient in a chili cookoff against Texas. And according to the rules, allowed. It’s not beans.

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