Freaky Flora – The Weird Side of the Internet

Freaky Flora – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

Science is cool. I think so, anyway. And Facebook thinks that I think science is cool, which is why it feeds me endless science articles. Mostly quantum physics stuff, but once in a while I get something else, something with a little down-home charm.

I was going to say “sex appeal,” but we’re talking about petunias here. And all I can think when I think of petunias is the army of grandmas out in the garden waiting for their tea to cool. Yeah, petunias. Not sexy. But did I mention these particular petunias get freaky when you turn the lights out?

Scientists, in their never-ending quest to f**k around and find out, found out that if you inject a few fungus genes in a petunia, you get a petunia that luminesces, casting a greenish-white glow in the garden as dusk turns to starry night.

They actually added four genes, completing a four-step process that allows the flowers to sustain the glow. Because before this, they were working with tobacco plants, which couldn’t get it up without some extra help. But really, what was the endgame on glowing tobacco, right? So you could find your cigarettes on the bedstand?

These bad-ass flora are already for sale, and the thought is that, while glow in the dark petunias are at best the latest plant that will be bought on a whim and neglected on the shelf or relegated to that same neglect in a dried out flower bed, it will be the gateway flower, that first step toward turning every usable inch of one’s house into a botanical garden.

I just have one question: can you eat petunias? Maybe eat one and catch superpowers, like the power to just chill in the sun and fill my belly on its rays? I don’t know. Don’t do that. Not till I check.

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