Clown at Your Door – The Weird Side of the Internet

Clown at your Door – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

One of the things you have constantly on your mind as a fiction writer is whether or not the wild idea you have in your head, that blockbuster idea, is going to show up in the news midway through your first draft, making it obsolete. One of the cool things about crime fiction, however, is that most crimes have been done before, so it’s all about how you tell him.

And then there’s Francis Bui.

Francis Bui, a.k.a. “The Amazing Franko.” Professioinal clown, down, down on his luck. Decides to take the hard road, and by that I do mean the “hard” road. Lists himself in the classifieds under “escort services.” Offers a little joy for $100 an hour, no condoms needed. Only his client is, guess who? That’s right, a cop. He gets to the motel and gets popped, and not in a good way.

He said he never did it before but times were tough. And his nose grew three times redder, I bet. Hard to figure a newbie is going to advertise “no condoms.” Not that a newbie would or wouldn’t care, but I’m guessing that bonus would be a third- or fourth time out thing, at least.

I wrote a story called “Seltzer and Blow,” that got published in a clown crime anthology called “Greasepaint and .45s” and not only story in there was a clown hooker. Clowns and hookers? Sure. But no clown hookers.

“The Amazing Franko.” Man that is some big shoes to fill in the bedroom (bah-dum-tiss.) He could’ve just said “I’ll get you wet” in the ad and it would’ve been a double entendre and he could’ve skated. Sad.

I think the only real question on our minds is this: did the Amazing Franko show up to the Carbondale hotel done up in his pro gear? Was he about to get greasepaint all over the sheets? Would he have been nose on or nose off? No kink shaming; is there even a kink for clown hookers?

More from Liam Sweeny…