Meatball Theft – The Weird Side of the Internet

Meatball Theft – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

Stealing is wrong. But sometimes it’s funny. Especially in Hazel Township, Pennsylvania, when a thief in the night (well, actually in the day) spirits off with the treasure of another. The betrayal, the breaking of the social contract, and let’s add to that a dash of oregano.

48 year-old Leahman Glenn Robert Potter committed theft, and was brought to justice, caught red-handed. No; wait – caught red-faced. And red-shirted. Which is what happens when you eat a pot of stolen meatballs really fast.

And this was no classic crime. These were not prized meatballs from a four-star Italian restaurant. These meatballs were in a guy’s garage. To be fair, the garage was pretty exclusive; the guy, his wife and kids, Earl next door… the WD-40 ambiance ruined by the dastardly deeds of a meatball marauder.

Okay, let’s unpack this. First, who keeps meatballs in their garage? Not blaming the victim, but these weren’t frozen meatballs in a big freezer. Hot meatballs in a pot. Were they barbeque meatballs? I think the original reporter missed some key details.

Second, his name is Leahman Glenn Robert Potter. I think we just learned that while three names are given to serial killers, four names are reserved for dinner despoilers.

Third, and absolutely most important, I’m 48. I now realize that for all of my many faults, I am not doing so bad.

I’d really like to know if drugs were involved, if they knew each other or if it was a random pilfering, what the meatballs were for. And how did they taste? Were they freaking delicious and they became an “attractive nuisance”?

I’ll leave you with the fact that authorities were unclear whether or not Potter washed his face and clothes before being arrested. Why do I think they should have known that?

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