When Not to Call 911 – The Weird Side of the Internet

When Not to Call 911 – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

There are a number of things you should do when you go out to steal a car. Now these are uneducated guesses, as I’ve never actually tried to steal a car. I’m thinking do it at night, dress all in black, maybe go fancy with a balaclava, be sure to bring black spray paint for the cameras (the ones you can see – figure the balaclava’s got you for the ones you can’t see.) You definitely want to bring rope in case you have to scale walls (or tie someone up, but remember, that’s kidnapping) and last but not least, bring some steak or peanut butter for any guard dogs that may be around.

What you don’t want to do is call the cops on yourself.

37 year-old Black Ops player, and master car thief Christy Turman broke into a dealership – or maybe just walked in – and tried to steal a car, as some bizarre, method acting version of the game Black Ops. And of course, to make the whole thing legal, she called 911, and through them Lee County Sheriff’s Department in Florida (of course) to report the crime that she was attempting to commit. Because if you call 911 while you’re committing a crime, that makes it legal.

Of course, she got charged with trespassing, and not with attempted grand theft auto, which, if she had been playing that game, she might have called 911 to report driving over a prostitute.

So if you report a crime in mid-crime, that makes it legal? Do you have to call the cops before you smoke the crack, or can you call them mid gasp (you crackheads know what I’m talking about, that little micro-breath to keep all the crack in.) So when is it illegal? If I ask a prostitute (not run over by a Grand Theft Auto cosplayer) how much, and I don’t like how much, I should just call the cops right there and ‘fess up, and then pony up because good lovin’ ain’t cheap?

Christy Turman, here’s to you, and the car that should be legally yours.

Original article here

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