Ding-Dong-Dash – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.
I remember one time, when I was a kid living in North Albany, that I was a delinquent. Actually, I remember being a delinquent more than one time, but in this instance, my and my buddy were eggin’. Full dozen of eggs in our backpacks, arms like Nolan Ryan, no car was safe. And being true delinquents, we weren’t aiming at parked cars. So I remember launching at this taxi (which made no sense because my uncle was a cabbie and would’ve whooped my ass if he ever found out.) So I smack this cab, and he hits the brakes, flies back and we’re running, hearts pounding, hiding behind one of my neighbor’s houses. Now, benefit of age, he had to make rent so there was no way he was gonna chase us, but scary at he time.
So imagine a group of four delinquent teens now going up to some random guy’s house playing ‘ding-dong-ditch’ which is as stupid as it sounds so I won’t elaborate. But the joke was on them when after two ding-dongs, the garage door opens and shots ring out.
Meet 40 year-old Melvin Rankin, a registered sex-offender with a penchant for illegal firearms and an apparently unknown nemesis. Because, as the teens hopped in their car to get away, he chased them in his, still armed. Catching up with the teens at a dead end, he ordered them out of the gar at gunpoint and told them to lay down on the ground as he asked them questions, mostly revolving about a primary question, “who sent you?”
They told him about ding-dong-dash, and he eventually laid off, snatching their keys before leaving. Happily ever after? No, of course not. He was a scumbag. Cops arrested him and charged him with robbery, weapons possession, controlled substances, and a couple of minutiae that will get dropped in court for the big plea bargain.
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