Now It’s Your Turn – Rob Skane – An Xperience Column

Now It’s Your Turn – Rob Skane – An Xperience Column – by Rob Skane.

Going live on social media from your grandmother’s couch down in the painted panel basement isn’t a gig. Or a show. Or anything. Some might argue that it’s just a call out for attention and validation, but isn’t that what social media is for anyway? Stop streaming your rehearsals, too. Rehearse in private – like you’re supposed to. And it’s “rehearsing,” not “practice.” You practice on your own, learn the tunes, and then rehearse them with your band. You’re welcome for that kernel of spiteful wisdom. Look, I only do this because I love you all, except for a handful, and we know who’s who.

Music is a sacred thing. Keep it that way. Honor your influences. Show appreciation for the music that was or is important to you – and don’t suck. Don’t put stuff on social media if your band isn’t ready, don’t try to play gigs until you’re ready, and … you’ll know when you’re ready. How? Because, if you’re honest with yourself, you will feel that every rehearsal is full of energy, spirit, and you’ll just float on the music for every song. How many times do we see an under-rehearsed band live on social media, hacking song after song to death? Uh, I’ll take “What Happens Every Night?” for $1000, please, Alex.

Be bad at playing the tunes in private, that’s part of the process. Grow in private, too. Believe me, you will grow, and it could be awesome! But you have to put in the work. Maybe the bass player needs to know that there’s a kick drum on stage? That’s always a good start. After all, it is the “rhythm section” – they should be working together. A great drummer and great bass player make it seem like they’re musically living in the same skin. And for the guitar players in the house, would it kill you to listen to the EFFIN’ snare drum? And get a “sound” while you’re at it. When you play and your amp sounds like an “electric ham sandwich,” to quote Frank Zappa … it’s not good, yo.

I know what you’re thinking, even though you’ve never played a gig and you’re not even sure which end of your instrument to hold – you know it all. “ROB!!!! You don’t understand!!! We’ve got top hats, lava lamps, stickers on everything, songs about Vikings, and boots! ROB, WE HAVE BOOTS!!” That’s cute. How about you polish your stinky old boots and then tune your god damn guitar. Will. You. PLEASE. And after that, rehearse. I’ve only been playing gigs since before you were born – it’s not like I’ve learned anything along the way. I mean, if you want to go out there and throw it around before you’re ready, go ahead. Keep in mind that you run the risk of embarrassing your entire lineage for decades to come – it’s your call, Fancy Pants. Your will is stronger than mine. More balls than brains and all that – been there. Wrap it up, call it art, now your record’s on the charts.

Saint Lou of Reed once said,”14,000 animals throwing beer cans at you … that’s rock ‘n’ roll.” That kinda thing might happen at performances that aren’t taking place in your spare bedroom, kids. A lot of us (and I mean me) have been hit with coins, ice cubes, water bottles, frozen sausages, and I was once even hit with a full pack of Winston cigarettes – at least that one didn’t hurt. This stuff is not for the faint of heart. One night, long ago, as my band stepped on stage, we saw the bartender come flying over the bar and absolutely beat some dude to a pulp. It was uncomfortable to say the least. As this was happening, our drummer clicked his sticks and we began the first song – during the beatdown. It was just another night on the other side of life. Another time, I saw a guy hit another guy over the head with a chair during a gig I was playing – welcome to Troy, Rob, this is how we do. Remember, you can’t stop the rock unless something’s on fire – we talked about that last time, though.

Real gigs are oftentimes so loud onstage that you can’t hear, and the lights are so bright that you can’t see. So, that’s where the rehearsal comes in – you see what I did there? Go back to the beginning, and it’ll make sense. Work hard, play the tunes you believe in – covers or originals or both. Follow your rocknroll heart. Keep the mystery until you’re ready to get work, and then be prepared to do your thing, whatever it is.

A very well-regarded indie record producer, who may or may not have been Steve Albini, once listened to a demo tape of mine and bitterly said,  “There’s nothing worse than being a mediocre musician.” That stung, pissed me off, and the whole thing – I remember it like it was yesterday. He was right, though, and the truth hurt – it often does. I have shared this cautionary tale not only because I care about most of you, but because I’ve suffered for my art, and now it’s your turn.

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