Stories

71% Evolved Alien – The Weird Side of the Internet

By Staff on December 3, 2025

71% Alien – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

There is, in a universe as vast as the armies of suns scorching multitudes of earths a man that is, on the inside, something far greater. A man with an alien inside of him. A man much alone in the world since he was young and maybe there was a reason for that. Because Anthony Loffredo has undergone years of extreme body modification and tattooing all black ink in all black skin. Is Anthony expressing himself, or disabling himself?

Loffredo says that he is “71% evolved” into a black alien. He has had fingers chopped off, his ears, nose, and upper lip removed, and he’s almost completely tattooed in black.

It’s really easy to mock this guy, and I can launch jokes. I’ve been putting aliens on magazine covers for eight years, and just a lot of low-hanging fruit here. But I respect him. He identifies with something and he’s not hurting anybody and good Lord the b***s it must take to put yourself through that, right?

I know you’re going to thing this is politically leading, but no. This dude wants to be an alien and I’m okay with that. I am pro cosmos. And seriously, I’ve done so many covers, I’m like the Andy Warhol in their mothership’s art gallery.

What a way to live though, right? I’m betting he has a lot of people that are chill with him. If I was a smoker, I’d smoke with an alien man. Everybody wants a selfie with this guy I bet. And he probably just wants to be left alone, because that’s the honesty of what he’s got going on; this is real for him. No novelty, no pretensions, just a chance to get wasted for free.

Another thing too is that he is probably the most law abiding person on the planet. Cause he is NOT getting away with anything. He’s an Eagle Scout. Or an Alien Scout, and that might just be literal.