The Animals are Buying – The Weird Side of the Internet
Written by Staff on February 27, 2026
The Animals are Buying – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.
When your dog learns how to sit and stay, it’s a moment of joy. When they show up couchside at two past the supper bell, tounge painting their lips and damned if that isn’t just a tiny bit of a tear making their eyes shiny people, it’s cute.
But what happens when they become adept at deception and learn ancient parlor games? Is it really just a velvet painting?
Alright, so enough foolishness. In Germany, a shiny black sea bird called a cormorant showed up at an emergency room. Injured with fishhooks in its beak, it tapped until medical staff contacted the local fire department. The corcorant was treated and released.
I have a tendency to blow stuff up in my head into the most ridiculous possibility that it could turn out.
The animals are learning.
A bird knowing to go to the Emergency Room when it’s sick is Charles Darwin’s “hold my beer” flex.
A seabird knows to go to the ER. A dog pays a leaf to the cookie shop and it gets a cookie. We have to face the fact that the animal world has seen enough of us to become us. They’re rising, climbing the corporate ladder. And clearly the digs are “cash only.” They can’t pull debit cards out, but maybe they can set up dog ATMs that sniffs butts , maybe. But I am a mere novice in engineering. And I don’t have a dog.
I had a dog, Bubba. Sixteen years. If that sonofabitch could’ve worked that whole time, I’ll be pissed. But really, Bubba would’ve been cool as a fellow cog in the wheel of the corporate machine. And if he had leaned over the TV table and inhaled my cake, he could go to the store and grab enough leaves along the way to get me some ice cream sandwiches because I just watched this mofo Hoover up my cake and I don’t even want cake anymore.
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