Don’t Drink The Water or The Wine By: Rob Smittix 

I just got back from Mexico and I wanted to share my experience with y’all. Just kidding I don’t say y’all, I’m from the capital of New York, I say you all. This was my fourth time visiting Cancun and I do recommend going there if you’ve never been, it’s by far one of the most affordable tropical vacations that you can take, especially if you get an all-inclusive resort. That does mean you can eat and drink as much as you’d like with no additional cost but please don’t be a cheapskate and tip your servers, your U.S. dollar goes a long way there. I felt like a baller. 

They do say don’t drink the water and this is 100% factual. I never intentionally drank the water but on two of my previous visits I did return home with what they call Montezuma’s revenge. Fortunately, on this trip I did not suffer these consequences, but something very strange did happen to me on my last night there. I’ll try to explain later.

So, my wife and I decided we needed a getaway to the place that I proposed to her back in 2014, Cancun Mexico. We had a great time all week long, eating like royalty and drinking like fish. Now in the states (as we call it only when we are not in the country), if I drank a 12 pack I’d be pretty tipsy and I’d want to take a nap but at these all-inclusive resorts for some reason I can drink 30 drinks and barely have a buzz. So obviously they are watering down the drinks. I bring this up now for what I am about to tell you soon about my last night of vacation experience. 

On Wednesday we got on a ferry and went to Isla Mujeres (Island of Woman). Beautiful beach and more realistic atmosphere but be warned if you go here, you will feel like everyone is trying to hustle you. It’s kind of like Time Square in that sense and it gets old really quick. Just let me walk down the street in peace. However, if you like tequila almost all the shops give you free shots just to browse. 

Thursday we went parasailing, what a relaxing and enjoyable undertaking. We could see giant sea turtles swimming in the crystal blue waters below. We choose one excursion every time we come here. In previous years we went in a submarine scanning a coral reef, snorkeling in cenotes and traveling to Mayan ruins. These are truly bucket-list adventures but then there was Friday. 

Friday night was our last night there and we did our best to soak it all in before it’s “back to life, back to reality.” I enjoy all sorts of music and the week was certainly full of mariachi and merengue performances. I love cultural music even though I can’t understand a single lyric but on Friday night the mood changed because the band was pure rock n roll! 

The band is called Quantica and they played covers from Roy Orbison, Blondie to CCR. The setlist was perfect for a resort setting but the band does in fact have original material that can be found at their website quantica.mx. Definitely worth checking out! 

Okay, so here’s where it gets weird. Like I told you from the beginning, I can handle my alcohol, especially watered-down drinks like we were being served at the resort. The only difference about Friday night was I did drink an entire bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. So, I will admit my buzz was buzzing a bit more than the rest of the week. However, I was totally coherent and not at all obliterated. 

After Quantica left the stage, I told my wife I was going to go over and talk to them. I must’ve been talking shop with them a little longer than expected and my wife got bored and decided to take a walk by the beach. The last thing I remember was talking to the band and then I wake up in my hotel room bed with my shoes still on. 

I can’t remember anything at all after talking to the band that Friday night. My wife informed me that I was carried to the room by employees of the resort. She couldn’t help me fill in the gaps because we got separated from each other when she took that beach walk. In all my life I have never had a black out experience from drinking and like I said I was inebriated but not to the point that I wanted to crawl up on the floor and sleep. 

There are five photos on my phone that were taken that night after I talked to the band. Blurred photos of palm trees and smeared lights. I don’t remember taking these and I couldn’t even pinpoint where I was when they were taken. So, what actually happened?

Was I drugged?

Was I abducted and probed by aliens?

I’m not sure I will ever know the truth but what a crazy way to end my vacation. 

Still trying to wrap my head around these missing hours of my life, it was indeed time to head to the airport. Looking out the window of the shuttle was an eye-opening event because we left the hotel district and entered a part of town tourists probably don’t visit often. I’ve witnessed the poverty there in previous trips. I even saw a toddler in a diaper hanging in an alley unsupervised in the past but this time I saw dogs. That’s right, full-grown dogs of various breeds walking in packs without owners, just strolling alongside the road. I’ve never witnessed this before. Anyway, we finally arrived at the Cancun Airport.

As you know airport prices suck. We needed a snack and bought a bag of munchies for 10 U.S. dollars or somewhere around 207 Mexican pesos. We ate maybe a quarter of the bag but when we got to the United States the T.S.A. (which stands for Throw Stuff Away) made us toss the bag that we purposely brought to last us because we weren’t going to have time for a meal. 

Anyway, our flights got changed, even though we were trying to get to Albany, JetBlue decided we would fly to JFK airport in Queens and then immediately board our next flight taking us in the wrong direction, all the way to Ft. Lauderdale. Then the layover was overnight, so we got a hotel in Florida before flying to Albany in the morning. That just seems pointless. All in all, the trip was great, my wife and I got to spend much needed alone time together even though I can’t account for all of the hours.