The Elon Musk Book of Baby Names

Okay, so there’s a lot to unpack here, and not one of those things in a beach towel. And since I need that thing for hitchhiking, what’s packed is all worth staying home a bit. (Douglas Adams, look it up.)

Elon Musk. Here’s a guy everybody loves to hate…to love. He truly is an enigma. On the one hand, he kinda’ wrecked Twitter. Tesla’s will never likely reach the working man with $18,000 battery replacements, and Neuralink is a little too close to mind control for me to be comfortable with it.

On the other hand, he comes up with good names. Weird names, but I give plenty of rhythm to the odd of the world. Recently, in his biography, Musk mentioned that he and singer Grimes had a third child. Can you imagine being so rich you can hide that from the public and be super famous? I can’t. My neighbor issues a press release when I walk by a window in just boxers.

What is truly cool is the kid’s name. Get this; Techno Mechanicus. Yeah, Techno Mechanicus. So now I wonder; will this be a blessing or a curse for this kid?

My name is Liam. Very popular baby name now. In the mid- to late seventies, not so much. I got ragged on my whole for this name, nobody having the common sense to pronounce it as the ass end of ‘William.’ My favorite was my gym teacher, who insisted on calling me “Leome.” So I insisted on walking the runs and half-assed pull-up attempts.

I know what it’s like to have a weird name. But Techno (nicknamed Tau by his parents) won’t exactly be placed in the Menands Union Free School District. He’ll probably be homeschooled, and by that I mean Elon Musk will actually build him a school for himself and his siblings, Exa Dark Sideræl Musk and X Æ A-12.

I’m not making fun here. Elon is an enigma of a person, and I dig that. And I like unique names, I had one until about 2013. Now I’m the elder statesman of Liams. But I think that Musk is in a place where he can name his kids whatever and it won’t make a difference. But I feel like he’s naming them after inventions, like he invented them, the Mark 3 or the Superforce 3000. I don’t know. I invited Musk here for an interview, but he must have better things to do. Invite is still open. We have coffee.