Harry Dick Road – A Road You Just Have to Take Home

Harry Dick Road – A Road You Just Have to Take Home. Commentary by Liam Sweeny.

People steal signs. Crackheads steal signs that say ‘Bump,” for example (look it up, ye wholesome folk.) And people never tire of stealing funny street signs. But when your street sign is Harry Dick Road, highway robbery is going to be a way of life.

As it is with the township of Bonnechere Valley in Ontario, and the road whose signs, and reigning family, get no peace.

John Henry “Harry” Dick as born in 1957, and the road didn’t even have a name until 911 came around, and then they were like, “well, it’s Harry Dick’s road; let’s just call it that. Considering that “Harry Dick” was just as funny in 1957 as it is today, you have to wonder why John Henry Dick decided to call himself “Harry.” Did he not see that coming?

His cousin (maybe) Andy Dick could’ve chosen the nickname “crusty” but he didn’t. Because he knew better. I’m not trying to put Harry Dick on trial here, I’m just saying he should’ve seen how “Harry Dick” would come down the pipe.

So about four times a year, someone steals the sign. They tried greasing the pole (I am not making that up, I swear) and putting a camera there, but they just steal the camera too. And they must just get a good grip on the greasy pole.

So what is a township to do? Change the street name, of course. I mean that seems easier than making “Hairy Balls Road” signs and selling them in a fruit stand nearby to take the heat off Harry Dick. But that comes with its problems. The occupying family doesn’t want to have to change all of their address stuff, which, myself having moved twice recently, is a monumental bitch.

I’m thinking they could just make the signs in bulk and make them easier to come off. Four a year? I mean, still keep it theft, and illegal, but how much does it cost to make roughly four signs a year? Make Harry Dick Road like a vanity street sign, you know, you pay extra to have it. And assuming he’s still alive, maybe John Henry Dick should stick with John Dick… or maybe Jack.

More from Liam Sweeny.