Momo the Monkey – Maybe AA?

Momo the Monkey – Maybe AA? Commentary by Liam Sweeny.

Indianapolis is wild, stop me if you live there. Apparently, you’re allowed to have “wild and dangerous” animals there, but they have to be registered. So maybe that AI thing where the big guy shares his pizza with an alligator before full-bore kicking him in the snout was inspired by some happening in Indie.

But we’re not talking about alligators here. Sure, they’re dangerous. But a monkey, at least some monkeys, can rip your arms off, and they’re even more dangerous because they’re cute and you let your guard down. We all saw Michael Jackson with Bubbles the chimp. And no monkey could be potentially more dangerous than a monkey with a substance abuse problem. Enter Momo.

Momo got away from his owner and went about a quarter mile, stopping t drink some beer out of a garbage can.

I don’t know if Momo is an alcoholic. But he wasn’t drinking discarded fruit juice. Look, you can be a cool owner, but never, ever, let your pets sit around the house getting hammered and playing video games. Because they have to go out in the world someday, case in point.

You know this dude was drinking with his monkey. It would be too tempting for some people. After all, they did feed gizmo after midnight; they did let him get wet. And tis monkey walked a quarter mile to find a can of beer in the trash. For all we know, Momo went around collecting bottles for the beverage center, but got turned away because his license said “Bubbles” or some shit.

Dude definitely drank with his monkey. That is some serious learned behavior. And the cops couldn’t determine if he’d bit anybody on his trek. I’m pretty damn sure if someone got bit by a monkey, the police would’ve been first on the speed dial.

Indianapolis, if you’re going to have wild and dangerous animals in the hands of solid citizens, let’s keep these animals classy. We don’t need a jaguar snorting a coke fiend’s pocket for a fix. Their noses are twenty thousand times better than ours, that’s how high they can get.

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