That New TikTok Hack

That New TikTok Hack, by Liam Sweeny.

Okay, I feel robbed. Tell me if you would feel robbed by this story too. Apparently TikTokers have taken to putting a roll of toilet paper in the fridge. Now, I’m thinking that’s cool, in the most literal sense of the word. Sometimes you have to go and ya got a hot bum. They say you only rent dollar store burritos. So everything’s en fuego below decks, maybe you were a little too diligent on the wipe, and that extra soft TP you got just isn’t cutting it. So you hop in the fridge and crack open a cold one.

See, I’m pretty down with that. I’ll tuck it behind the half-eaten bowl of French fries from the great all-nighter of 2022, between the hot sauce that couldn’t cut the mustard and the hot mustard that I save for the special occasions, and I’LL HAVE THE Cornholio special. That’s right, cold TP for my bunghole.

So they’re not reserving themselves a “Chilly Wilbur” at all. What a downer. These TikTokers figured out that a roll of toilet paper can absorb smells in the fridge. That’s why they’re doing it.

Here I was, using baking soda like the rest of the world. Who knew I’d need some ultra soft in there.

I’m not some cynical old guy saying “these kids today don’t know their asses from their elbows.” I am a cheerful cynic, at home with an absurdist outlook and the tools I need to keep rolling that boulder up the hill everyday. But this makes me sad.

So this thing about Gen Z. They were raised by millennials and Gen X, my generation. If they’re throwing TP in the fridge because they don’t know about baking soda, who didn’t teach them that? It’s almost like the younger generation was given a band aid, silly string, and some safety pins and told to just figure the world out from that. And all things considered, they’re not doing bad.

So, ye TikTokers, I am applaud you for thinking outside and inside the icebox, but I am going to repurpose your hack for a cool bum on caliente dinner disasters.

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