Manatees and Disorderly Intoxication – Florida Man
Written by Staff on December 23, 2023
Manatees and Disorderly Intoxication – Florida Man – story by Liam Sweeny.
Disorderly intoxication is the fodder of comedic urban news. Add that to Florida, and even ChatGPT could write something good. So yes, we are in Florida. Pinellas county. A 23 year-old man named Anthony Lessa, Pittsburgh native, was livening up Saint Petersburg with his drunk and/or high antics. In this case, the antics may have begun with Lessa, apparently being persona non-grata ar Rick Reef’s Restaurant, went out and began an “erotic congress” with a large manatee statue out front.
I’m not sure if you know what a manatee looks like, but they’re a three-way between a seal, a cow, and a marshmallow. So the first thing we learned is that Lessa likes them thicc.
You know, that would probably would be bad enough, and it may, in fact, be the worst thing he did, at least the oddest, but he continued with a salvo of gator nuggets, launched into the Rick Reef’s Restaurant dining room. I do have to ask how a guy molesting a manatee sculpture can launch gator nuggets into a dining room, but this is more a question of restaurant architecture than it is a question of morality.
So Lessa eventually went toward his hotel, where he sobered up drafted a formal apology. Of course not; he kept acting like a jackass, stopping traffic, screwing with the hotel staff.
Finally, finally, the cops get called. The first thing? Yeah, he was high as balls. Second thing? As they searched his pockets, they found weapons – gator nuggets. His pockets were filled with gator nuggets, breaded alligator meat.
This is the nuance of Florida Man. Lessa was Pittsburg Man, and in Florida, he caught it in the wind. Or maybe he was a jackass in Pittsburgh too.
I encourage you to open up another tab, and look for ‘manatee.’ Look at that thing, and try to figure out what act of mock bestiality is even possible here.