Cannonballs and Show Pools

Cannonballs and Show Pools – by Liam Sweeny.

You want to know the craziest thing that ever happened in a Bass Pro Shop, right? It wasn’t some old timer breaking his arm trying to stretch it telling a fish tale. No, the craziest thing to happen in Bass Pro Shop happened on Thursday, January 4^th in a shop in Alabama. A 42 year-old unidentified man walked in, unraveled himself of his clothing and, buck naked, did a big ole’ cannonball in the pool on their showroom floor.

He was in there in the buff for five minutes before the cops came, which goes to show that “I don’t get paid enough” is a true statement in some cases. After the dive, he hung out under the waterfall, coming out only once to yell at the police. He was arrested after coming out a second time and wiping on the concrete.

The charges? Public lewdness, disorderly conduct and criminal mischief. If good times had a recipe, it would probably be a quarter cup of disorderly conduct, a tablespoon of criminal mischief, and a teaspoon of public lewdness for kick (adjust your recipe as needed.) In fact, I’m willing to bet that if you go through the court records and find any case where those were the three charges, it was a funny story.

So Alabama, huh? Florida with sass. Oh, c’mon, you know damn well you have wanted to go cannonball into some pool in a store that wasn’t doing nothing but attracting a nuisance. Okay, so it’s Bass Pro Shop. Help me out; do they stock that thing with fish? Get some sunnies in there so the kids can sharpen their skills on the easiest fish to catch? You catch those damn things with bread, they don’t even hold out for worms. Did this guy have sunnies nibbling on his nibblings?

I think the cops were just mad because he did the thing that everybody who ever walked into that store at least thought of doing. And I applaud him for that.

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