Belly Burning with the Buzz

Belly Burning with the Buzz – by Liam Sweeny.

Folks, since I’ve been covering the weird beat, I have learned just so much stuff. In fact, stories break that I new about months ago because they hit the weird circuit first. And this little ditty, I feel, is one of those soon-to-be blockbusters.

I will say that I am a large man; nay, a supersized man, banned from the menus of most God-fearing European nations. Big guy, yes. And I see all the pills for weight loss, and honestly, if I wanted uppers, I would just smoke crack and drop a hundred running around for more crack. But no. I don’t want pills… well, I didn’t want pills.

I think I’ve found an exception.

MIT researchers are working on a neat little pill for weight loss. Now this is MIT, engineering, not pharmacology. Because there’s no drug in this pill. But thre is a vibrator.

Yes. We’re swallowing vibrators. 2024 is getting off to a good start, eh?

So the trick is this. The pill vibrates when it hits the stomach and gastric juices dissolve a membrane that is basically the “on switch.” So it vibrates against the lining of the stomach, and tricks the brain into thinking the stomach is full. It’s kinda genius, because the brain can’t tell the difference if the stomach is vibrating, thinks it must be full of stuff. Or bees; I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. But the end result is, you feel fuller.

They have not tried it on humans yet, but there are some pigs out there with slightly better self-esteem. They said the pigs with the pill ate 40% less at their next slopping.

Here’s the thing though: would you feel it? Would it be like butterflies? And if you actually had butterflies, would it give your butterflies steroids?

I think I’d never be able to put my phone on silent and throw it in my pocket. Vibrate would just be useless at that point.

But I’ll try anything once.

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