The Right Name at the Wrong Time – The Weird Side of the Internet

The Right Name at the Wrong Time – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

I had a weird name growing up. Sure, now ‘Liam’ is super popular, and I think it was the top baby name in 2018 or something. But in the seventies and eighties, no one could pronounce it. It’s literally four letters and no one could pronounce it. Nobody even got it right by accident. Scramble four letters in a pan, throw some butter on the vowels, something should happen but nope. Nada. My gym teacher pronounced it ‘leome.’ I’ll go to my death saying this is why I hated gym glass and at 6’8, never became a basketball player.

But there’s someone else I feel really bad for. Her last name, Nizam. First name, Alexa. So she loved her name growing up. And then came Amazon, and their shining jewel, the personal assistant, “Alexa.” And the biological Alexa’s torment began.

She worked retail, so in true obnoxious idiot form, shoppers would ask her the weather, the time, always using her name. So which brings us to rule one of retail. Just because someone’s name is on a name tag, it’s not cool to use it. Ther boss is making hem put their name on a tag for the sole purpose of having a name you can bitch about in the inevitable complaints. They’re not introducing themselves on two-inch-long plastic.

This is terrible, but the funniest thing was when Alexa was on a videoconference call, and every time someone called out her name, everybody’s Amazon thing went off. So in a way, Alexa Nizam was the queen of all Amazon personal assistants.

These days, Alexa (machine Alexa) is not as hot as it used to be, and I doubt anyone is naming their kids ChatGPT or DeepSeak. But for a moment, a Millenial lost herself and was consumed by a shortcut to the National Weather Service and a wristwatch.

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