Prog Digest – An Xperience Column

Prog Digest – An Xperience Column – by Klyde Kadiddlehumper.

Well, spring has arrived. I can tell. Damned allergies are starting to kick my ever-loving butt.

Which, of course, leads to this month’s little fireside chat.

Knowing full well that explaining the “logic” that leads to these things is a combination of age, chemicals, experience, and outright insanity – the train went like this:

Allergies. Pollen. Trees. Leaves. Birds. Specifically – pigeons.

Which, of course, leads to the OG of satire in my lifetime – Tom Lehrer.

I can already hear the bulk of you reading this going – who? Huh? Never heard of the guy.

Lesson time kids.

In a 2024 interview, Mr. Lehrer is quoted as having said “My songs spread like herpes.”  Still with us at 96, he is the GOAT. Born before the Great Depression (in 1928), he holds a Master’s Degree in Mathematics. Having later abandoned his PhD pursuit in the area of modes in statistics, the bulk of his professional career was teaching mathematics at the likes of MIT, Harvard, and UC Santa Cruz. He taught his last class in 2001 on the topic of infinity.

If you’ve listened to Dr. Demento over the years, he is a favorite.

Why the introduction? This, my gentle readers, is the background of a man who has written such classics as “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park,” “The Elements,” “The Old Dope Peddler,” and “The Masochism Tango.” Oh, and “The Vatican Rag.”

I can imagine Gore Vidal (oh, PLEASE read his “Live From Golgotha”) sitting around, listening to these little ditties and thinking – “Why would I try to write music? This man has simply beaten me to all the good stuff.”

Proof – you want proof. Well, the beauty is that we can reproduce his lyrics without fear of suit as he has released ALL of his lyrics and publishing rights and recorded material to the PUBLIC DOMAIN.

So –

From “The Masochism Tango”:

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches.

The last time I needed 20 stitches

To sew up the gash

You made with your lash,

As we danced to the Masochism Tango.

From “Oedipus Rex”:

There once was a man named Oedipus Rex.

You may have heard about his odd complex.

His name appears in Freud’s index,

‘Cause he loved his mother.

From “The Elements” (to the music of “Modern Major General”):

There’s sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium,

And also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium,

And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium,

And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin and sodium.

These are the only ones of which the news has come to Ha’vard,

And there may be many others but they haven’t been discavard.

Elements 103-118 were added later.

And, of course – From “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park”:

So, if Sunday you’re free,

Why don’t you come with me,

And we’ll poison the pigeons in the park.

And maybe we’ll do

In a squirrel or two

While we’re poisoning pigeons in the park.

Perhaps the most telling things about Tom Lehrer are that, according to Wikipedia, two of his papers are noted in the American Mathematical Society database, and two of his songs were reprinted in Mad Magazine. Hell, 2 Chainz sampled “The Old Dope Peddler” for his debut album.

Prog enough for ya?

Look the man up. Go to tomlehrersongs.com, where you can not only read the lyrics of his songs but also listen to them and download ALL his recordings.  There are so many more that are absolute gems – I encourage you to check them out.

When the air becomes uranious,

We will all go simultaneous.

Until next time.

Klyde

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