There’s Something in the Soap – The Weird Side of the Internet

There’s Something in the Soap – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

Do you have an odd name? I have two. ‘Liam’ and ‘Sweeny.’ Liam is more common now than it was when I was in grade school getting it mangled by teachers accidentally and mangled by students less accidentally. Sweeny, same thing. But I am proud of my names, especially ‘Sweeny,’ which has a long and storied history through the rough grasses of Irish battlefields. Mercenaries. Yeah, that’s right, the Sweenys were gallowglass, or Scots Irish mercenaries in Ireland. We even have our favorite weapon, an axe on a long pike.

So I keep an eye on my fellow Sweenys, including actress Sydney Sweeney. Now she has the common spelling, ‘ney,’ while I have ‘ny’ but that just means we’re not first cousins. Still a Sweeny. And do you know what Sydney Sweeny is doing now? She’s selling soap made from her bathwater.

To be fair, it’s a bit. Dr. Squatch, who makes soap, had her on the payroll for a commercial that went viral about her being a soap genie (or something; I haven’t seen the commercial.) So, seemingly on a lark, Sydney started saving her bathwater, which is mixed with the scent of pine, douglas fir, and earthy moss.

It’s a limited edition soap, thank God and all that is holy. Five hundred bars. Five hundred people will snell clean with undertones of creepy.

Sydney, girl, what are you doing? You know in Japan, students sell their soiled panties in vending machine, you can do that. Not sure how much money you’ll make, but Japan’s expensive, so you’ll probably make some dough. Maybe you should ask for more money for your acting.

But don’t worry about besmirching the Sweeny name. You own it just as much as we do. But here’s an idea: bathe with a pickaxe on a pike and sell it to a museum. Or slaughter your enemies, I don’t know which.

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