What to Watch Behind the Wheel – The Weird Side of the Internet

What to Watch Behind the Wheel – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

I have a guilty pleasure. Well, I had one; I think we all have this, but I was industrial strength. I was a distracted driver. If I had eight arms, I would’ve had a job for each one except for one, the one that gripped the steering wheel at six o’clock. I still kept my eyes on the road, but I can’t say my teeth weren’t gripping a Whopper at twelve, three, and nine. I was very lucky, by that I mean everyone else was very lucky.

I’ve calmed down in my own age to not even sipping coffee at stop lights. No more feasts, writing sonnets, fixing watches and managing a mip-cap brothel in Las Vegas (jokes except the feasts.) Now I see people arms a flinging in their Explorers, necks craning back to kids watching Disney movies in back seats.

But even I had limits, unlike a VRL Travels driver in Mumbai, India, who got caught watching “Big Boss” on his phone, positioned at the bottom of the steering wheel. He was going 80km/hr at the time. In American, that’s about 50 miles an hour. So picture going a tad slow on 787 with MASH reruns on Hulu in your lap. Now granted, people fly down 787 on the hoods of speeding cars, down the wrong way, you get it. So someone watching their phone while passing Exit 4 probably doesn’t produce vapors.

This really makes me think about how little of dooks we give when we get behind the wheel in America. Like I said, I used to be terrible. But the worst thing I’ve realized is taking phone calls while driving. Even if the phone is on the seat next to you, you’re trying to make money moves while also getting a two ton traffic ram to make three-point moves. And we all do it. We have six-second attention spans and 74 feet of stopping distance and no clue in the faintest about what a foot is when you’re burning genuine American rubber.

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