Pigeon Summit – The Weird Side of the Internet

Pigeon Summit – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

Nations have summits. Every nation has things that they need everybody to come to the table on. Now, of course, everybody usually means, “everybody important,” but what if the problem is truly nationwide. What then?

Well, still, everyone important shows up, that’s life, but in Scotland, what’s got everyone in summit mode is a longstanding scourge – aggressive seagulls. And they’re Scottish, so they probably don’t give a crap and flip their kilts up on everyone who comes by. Maybe, maybe not, but they are aggressive and have injured folks by divebombing.

Imagine being divebombed upon by a seagull? Our seagulls are much more chill than that, probably due to the fact that they have a steady supply of antidepressants and antianxiety meds every time they drink from the river.

See the “summit” part is where the whole of Scotland complains to NatureScot (their version of the DEC) about not issuing more licenses. Presumably to hunt them. Today I learned that you need a license to shoot a pigeon in Scotland. Here you just need a bullet, but more importantly, a reason to waste one on a damn pigeon, aggressive or no.

Kinda makes you wonder how Scotland wound up with so many pigeons they need a summit. Does New York have summits? London? If not, is it because major city birds have good, early-bird lawyers?

It’s weird to hear pigeons being a bird to conserve, right? We’re taught not to conserve them specifically, with a never-ending pursuit of signs not to feed the pigeons and little old ladies in tweed coats incited to becoming a scofflaw in stale pumpernickel.

I think I need to see a video of them divebombing folks before I can make up my mind. Just a swoop down, hell, maybe even more than one, with Ride of the Valkyries playing in the background. People at a picnic scattered and running. That would be wild.

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