Vampire IRL – The Weird Side of the Internet
Written by Staff on September 3, 2025
Vampire IRL – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.
Ellen Schweizer. Also known as Vampire Hellie. Also known, by her own admission, a literal vampire. And she has a pretty big TikTok following. So the question: does the phone camera act like a mirror? Probably not, unless she just slapped up a picture of any one of a myriad of vampires throughout the history of TV and film.
Vampires are a phase every goth kid goes through. And I get it, because I flew through a goth phase for about a week. I mean, of course the cool thing is the immortality. Which in most vampiric stories really just means “hard to kill.” A bath in sunlight wouls be a buzzkill, emphasis on the kill. And I’m not sure it’s the sucking blood and draining people was ever a draw, but maybe being a human predator checks some people’s boxes. It’s really, I think, the great power at great cost’ thing. The ultimate monkey’s paw: trade your humanity for endless life. So maybe the draw is the value of the life you’re giving up.
So Countess Helli describes herself as a ‘literal vampire.’ I’m guessing she’s got a body count, but she says that she doesn’t drink blood, save for blood sausages. Really, she drains peoples’ energies. She has people around her that have given consent for her feeding off them, which for her is a prerequisite/ She also can absorb ambient energy, like the energy in a concert or festival.
I feel like this is kind of bunk. Not because of the whole draining energy thing; I get that. But it’s basic. If you’re mad and you hang out with a happy person, you’ll end up a little less mad and they’re a little less happy. And if you feed of people’s energy, do you ever give people energy? Like who would want to hang out with someone who prides themselves on being a drain.
Maybe she should just drink blood.
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