Stories
Page: 76
St. Nicholas – Santa’s a Zombie, by Liam Sweeny. Nothing can irritate some people more than an over-enthusiastic yard decorator throwing the Christmas stuff out before Halloween. I suspect this is because in a world of gottahaveits, Christmas is an onerous burden to anyone with a shopping list, which is pretty much everyone. But a […]
Pepper X – by Liam Sweeny. I like hot food. But I’m a normal person. Sort of. I like hot food that I can enjoy. No, I don’t think mayonnaise is spicy or tangy, but I tend to stop, in my casual eating, with jalapeno. I know, Ooooo. But I just like a little zip. […]
Cattelans Banana – Eating It, by Liam Sweeny. A banana. Some duct tape. A wall in an art gallery. A take on global trade and comedy? Maybe? Or maybe just a snack to a hungry South Korean student. You may have heard of Maurizio Cattelan, the artist responsible for a 24 karat gold toilet seat […]
High Fines and Misdemeanors – by Liam Sweeny. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? For like what? Ten over? Maybe fifteen? How about ninety in a fifty-five? Yeah, I know, that’s really not unheard of with everybody in such a damn hurry to get nowhere special (yeah, I’m the guy that usually does the […]
Pill Pusher Stands Up – by Liam Sweeny. Welcome to the world of The Villages, a multi-county retirement home, one of the biggest in the country. I’ve never been there, but they’ve got everything probably. Backgammon, walking trails, pools, and a guy for your penis. That’s right. Reginald Kincer, 77, a folkloric figure who, upon […]
Sausage Vending Machines – Just the Wurst – by Liam Sweeny. We need a vending machine in the office here, I’m telling you. We need a German vending machine. In Germany, according to my eagle-eye reporting, they have vending machines that sell the wurst food – bratwurst, knockwurst, bockwurst, bestwurst and worstwurst. And all it […]
Stoneman Willie. If you have to have a nickname, how choice is “Stoneman Willie”? I would take this name for myself; unfortunately, it’s been taken for 128 years. But soon, it will be retired in a very strange story out of Reading, Pennsylvania. Stoneman Willie was a pickpocket with Irish roots. He was arrested doing […]
I want to hate this. I really do, from the tippy top of my wild, untamed hair all the way to the split toenail that never seemed to grow back right. I won’t tease you, get right to it. “Her” name is Nadine, and she is a robot powered by artificial intelligence (AI.) She’s loaded […]
Giraffe poop. Do you have anything to declare? If you’ve ever traveled abroad, you may see this is any of the many questions asked on your way to or from being a global citizen. If you’ve never been out of the country (me), you see this as a time to declare your allegiance to the […]
High Sheep and Storm Dnieal. Commentary by Liam Sweeny. I like to have fun with you at our little daily story times, but sometimes the difference between tears of laughter and tears of sadness depends on which side of the story you’re on. So let me get the bad out of the way. There […]
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