OBSERVATIONS AND RAMBLINGS FROM A CRANKY OLD GUY (August 2022) -By: Jeff Spaulding

Every one of you has had to do something at least once that we never thought about doing before, or were happy to do it when we knew we would have no choice, and not doing it could hurt us in the long run.

Have you ever, for example, stayed at a crap job because the money was too good, but you know you couldn’t do better, or your bosses/co -workers were all douchebags, but there’s an equal number of bosses/coworkers at any job you would have, even at three times the money you’re currently making?

Have you ever had to stay in the rat hole of an apartment because you’re broke, or have crappy credit or just got kicked out by your soon to be ex-spouse?

Have you ever had to get married to make sure the upcoming child won’t be a bastard (consider this the SCOTUS overturn clause)?

For me, that something happened two years ago when I had my first acknowledged heart attack and heart bypass, and was forced to after 64 years (at the time) admit I had to get in better shape, that meant (initially) a cluster of sessions of cardiac rehabilitation, followed by joining a gym.

For the record, I have learned to love working out, getting the blood flowing, attempting to create myself a six pack, to maybe feel young again. Unfortunately, while I love working out, some of my fellow “athletes” fall under the douchebag category.

Without saying where I go, I’ll just call it “World Healthy,” (I don’t want to get sued) . The equipment is top notch, in fine working order, clean and sterile, and the staff has always been very helpful. Unfortunately, certain members there fall into what I call three different groups. In fairness, these groups seem evenly divided.

There are people like me, who love working out and enjoy it without the use and/or need of anabolic steroids. We go slow and steady, and if we don’t feel up to a full workout then we can do the best we can. The only goal we have is to get and stay healthy. We’re not there to show off, or brag, or flex. We just feel good by feeling good.

Then there are people at the opposite end of the spectrum, the troglodyte, the neanderthal, the Hans and Franz rolled up into one massive bulk of muscle. They have so many popping up veins they model what you saw in middle school science class. Their toenails have muscles. They can lift a dumbbell with their tongue. I don’t mind these one-chromosome lacking cretins as long as they stay away from me.

The third group is kind of a combination of the two. These are the people who kind of want to get in a workout, but they are more social. They go to the gym because it’s the thing to do, but if they can chat with their besties (or who they think are their besties), that works. This is why I wear my earbuds every time I am at the gym, whether I am listening to something or not. It’s my way of saying “stay the f*** away from me.”

Now, I live by my phone, so much so that my wife keeps looking for a 12-step program for me, but when I am at the gym, I use it only to listen to music, or the news. Not with some of these people. I can’t tell you how many people I see get on a piece of equipment, do maybe five to ten reps, then jump on the phone to document their “progress,” or see who tagged them online, or take pictures of their body parts that look more like “before” and not “after” pictures. While I don’t really care what they do on their phones, they stay seated on the damned piece of equipment for like 15 minutes at a time, holding up the use of said equipment, which is paid for by someone who wants to use the equipment, like me.

Bottom line, a health emergency forced me to do something I haven’t done since high school, take care of myself. I’d like to thank my heart doctor for making sure I could finally accomplish that goal.

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