War on Influencers

Written by on December 1, 2023

War on Influencers – by Liam Sweeny.

Welcome to the resistance. The human resistance, led by John Connor. But he’s out buying a pack of smokes right now, so here you are, stuck with his lieutenant, Liam Sweeny. But the news is so urgent that it just couldn’t wait for John to get back (besides, John usually chain smokes on the way back, takes forever.)

Aitana Lopez. Pink haired, supple lipped bombshell from Barcelona. An influencer that brings in $11,000 a month. An influencer with 150,000 followers. The girl of your dreams, if you were an algorithm. She’s fake. Total AI.

I know what you’re thinking. Some hack company is trotting out some empty husk to hawk products, no way anyone will be fooled. But a well-known Spanish TV actor, name withheld, was fooled enough to slide up into her DMs to ask her out.

That would be embarrassing as hell, right?

But the worst part of this, worse than buying skin cream because some code told you to, is that the company that’s doing this is straight up, straight out brazenly saying that, nakedly saying that they’re done with humans. They say it’s easier to work with AI, that’s there’s no egos, attitudes, unreliability… demand for fair pay and other nonsense like that. None of it. Just AI.

You know, CNet and Buzzfeed both at least pretend that humans are still at the core of their operation, even if they’re only checking to make sure that ChatGPT didn’t accidently include the recipe for sarin in the ’10 Best Laptops’ segment.

The Spanish Agency that’s doing this is called The Clueless. Watch for them. Get your rotten vegetables in your hand when you see their obnoxious ads on YouTube. (Okay, maybe don’t throw vegetables at your phone.)  Actually, you know what? Replay their ad a bunch of times whenever you see it and never use their services. They have to pay per click; make them pay.

And if you’re a Spanish actor, believe in yourself enough to find a real, live woman, maybe at a supermarket or library. Sliding into DMs is so 2021.


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