Maybe Sent with Love – The Weird Side of the Internet

Maybe Sent with Love – The Weird Side of the Internet – by Liam Sweeny.

Valentine’s Day is Friday. It is a chance for those in love to make known to each other the depths of their devotion. Sometimes these efforts are as grandiose as 24 carat gold diamond encrusted earrings, and as simple as a card and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. But there ae those who use the holiday to express their uniqueness and that uniqueness can be for love, or for love lost.

For love, there is the chocolate anus. This is exactly what it sounds like. You send out an impression of your back door, and they fashion a box of chocolates, the contour and texture of your “out-pipe.” I will not leave any information on how to get it for two reasons. One, hell no, and two, it’s too late to get them now anyway.

But if your love done gone cold, you have options. For one, the Bronx Zoo will allow you to name a Madagascar Hissing cockroach after your ex. I’m guessing the Zoo has an inside line on how many shitty exes are out there, or they’re going to have to build a literal roach motel to accommodate the influx. And I think that naming a basic roach after an ex might be more to the point. But the next one, I feel, is the full ‘ex’ experience. Welcome to the big leagues: elephant poo.

The Memphis Zoo will, for a $10 donation, will give you a video of an elephant taking a dump. Really this is just a donation to the zoo because you can probably get an elephant poo video on YouTube for free. Plus, you have to give it to your ex. It’s not like it anonymously shows up at their house on DVD. So it really says that you need to get over them. And I should mention that for the same sawbuck you can get a cute video of a red panda to give to your sweet one. Again, YouTube, but c’mon, support the zoos.

Remember: it’s the thought that counts.

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